Free New Kid Catastrophes: 1 (TJ and the Time Stumblers) by Bill Myers

white smile.
    And let’s not forget the camera crew. Not that TJ wanted to be a star or anything, but imagine what it would be like to be on national TV. Imagine what her friends back in Missouri would think when they saw her hanging out with Hesper Breakahart.
    “TJ?” Naomi called. “TJ?!”
    Finally, she made her decision. Without a word, TJ turned and headed for Hesper’s table.
    Once again she felt all eyes turning toward her, and once again she felt her face growing hot. Only this time it was a good type of hot.
    Closer and closer she came.
    Bigger and bigger Hesper smiled. “I’m sooo glad you could join us,” she said.
    TJ nodded.
    “And that there are no hard feelings.”
    TJ nodded some more. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the camera crew moving in for a close-up.
    “And I just want you to know that no matter how jealous you may be over my fame and incredible good looks, I completely forgive you.”
    The words struck TJ as odd. Odder still was what the man with the hair on his chin was shouting: “A little louder, babe, a little louder.”
    Hesper nodded and repeated more loudly, “And no matter how jealous you may be over my fame and incredible good looks, I completely forgive you!” She cranked up her grin to ultra-blind. “And I want us to be best friends forever.” With that, she stuck out her hand.
    TJ wasn’t sure if she was supposed to shake it, curtsy, or kiss her ring. Since Hesper wasn’t old enough to be the queen (or the pope), she decided on the handshake. So as she arrived at the table, she stuck out her right hand—an unfortunate decision, since that was the hand that also held her lunch sack.
    Even more unfortunate, because that lunch sack held the burnt hamburger patty and charcoal potatoes.
    And most unfortunate, because as she stuck out her hand to shake, the contents flew out of the bag.
    Suddenly everything seemed to turn into slow motion, like a bad movie:

    TJ cried in horror as the food floated out of her sack.

    the crowd gasped as the hamburger patty raced toward Hesper’s face.

    the hamburger patty ker-splatt ed as it hit Hesper in the mouth, knocking out both of her front teeth.

    Hesper cried.
    Then everything turned back to normal speed, including . . .
—All the kids screaming.
—Hesper dropping to her knees and searching the floor, crying, “Ma teeph! Waare’s ma teeph!”
—And four (count them, four! ) burly teachers grabbing TJ and dragging her away.
    TJ wanted to explain, but it’s hard explaining when people are shouting such understanding words as
Teacher One: “How dare you attack a defenseless girl!”
Teacher Two: “Who just happens to be a superstar!”
Teacher Three: “You’re lucky we don’t call the police!”
Teacher Four: “Or Oprah!”
    All of this as Elizabeth, Hesper’s best friend since forever, had flipped open her cell phone and was screaming, “What’s the number for 911? What’s the number for 911?!”
    Amid the chaos, TJ looked over to Chad, who stared sadly after her, shaking his head. Along with crazy he had no doubt added dangerous to her list of personality traits.
    Extremely dangerous.

CHAPTER NINE
T Minus One Day
and Counting . . .
    TIME TRAVEL LOG:
    Malibu, California, October 13
    Begin Transmission:
    Subject seems to be on verge of learning lesson . . . if she survives!
    End Transmission
    Chad stared out his window at the neighbor’s front lawn. It was supposed to be night. But with all the TV crews, lights, and a circling helicopter (or two), you’d never know it.
    Talk about a circus. No wonder the new kid and her family were locked up in their house with the shades drawn.
    Earlier, the six o’clock news had run a special report: Star Stalker Stalks Star
    where they showed what happened in the cafeteria about a hundred times—first in slow motion, then in stop action, then in reverse action, then in every type of action you could imagine (though the reenactment with hand puppets was a little