than a decent set of twinkly eyes. Wogan built a career on it and he wasnât the only one: look at the Queen Mum, Des Lynam or Fatima Whitbread. But I wonât be pulling in any big guns like that. I want to find fresh meat, local talent from the streets of Dundee. Iâm going to trawl through the bars with Frank and his disposable camera and find some top-level twinklers, then stick their mugs in the magazine and get it out there.
Now, I know what your worry might be here, Peter. Youâre probably wondering if this is jazz mag territory. Well I can assure you right now, with my hand on my liver, that it is nothing of the sort. Look Peter, Iâm not naive. I know that for a certain type of weirdo a nice set of twinklers might be right up their street in a jazz mag sense but you canât blame me for that. Iâm selling them the bullets, Iâm not asking them to fire their guns.
Bob
----------------
From: Peter Smith
To: Bob Servant
Subject: This is OK
Bob,
This is quite confusing but you are saying you will start a magazine with the loan? This is OK. All is OK, just send the information.
Peter Smith
Financial Services
----------------
From: Bob Servant
To: Peter Smith
Subject: Weâre talking ten
Peter,
Thanks for giving Twinklers the nod. I have set things in motion over here. I just went and chanced my arm with Inky Edwards. Inky, as you may be aware, has the big newsagents on the Dundee Road, and what that guy doesnât know about the magazine game isnât worth knowing.
Inky was good enough to give me a few minutes and I told him all about Twinklers and the hopes that you and I have for it. Iâll put you out your misery straight away, Peter: Inky loved it. He reckons heâs good for ten copies and we could sell them for a fiver each. So thatâs £50 coming in as sales so, by my calculations, we should therefore spend about £10,000 on putting the magazine together.
So I hereby request £10,000 from you Peter. Thatâs right, ten large. Ten bags of sand.
Bob
Editor
Twinklers Magazine
----------------
From: Peter Smith
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Approved
Bob,
I have good news, your application for £10,000 has been fully approved by the board. We think that this magazine will be a success and we trust you and believe your character is good.
Therefore we need just the application in full,
Thank you and congratulations on your loan.
Peter Smith
Financial Services
----------------
From: Bob Servant
To: Peter Smith
Subject: Slogan
Peter,
Iâm getting on with the form. A quick one in the meantime, how about this for a slogan for the mag:
Twinklers: Putting A Twinkle in Your Day and a Winkle in Your Way!
Thoughts?
Bob
----------------
From: Peter Smith
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Fine
Bob,
That is a good idea it will help get attention. We are impressed with you Bob and the loan is yours as soon as we have the form.
Peter
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From: Bob Servant
To: Peter Smith
Subject: Itâs not really working for me
Pedro,
Iâve had a good look at the slogan you suggested. To be honest, I canât quite follow what youâre getting at. What do you actually mean by âa Winkle in Your Wayâ? Maybe Iâm missing the joke but to me it sounds like gibberish?
Bob
----------------
From: Peter Smith
To: Bob Servant
Subject: That was you not me
Bob,
I never suggested this saying it was you do not remember? I did not think it was sense either but did not say from respect for you. Now Bob where is the form?
Peter
----------------
From: Bob Servant
To: Peter Smith
Subject: Early Contenders
Peter,
Phew, Iâm glad you agree we need to scrap your slogan. That could have been a really awkward one and really itâs a âwell doneâ to you for holding your hands up and admitting youâd sold me a pup. Iâm going to stick with Twinklers: Putting a Twinkle in Your Day!
Now, Peter. Frank and
Learning to Kill: Stories