Free Predator by Kartik Iyengar

free,’ said Chris.
    ‘But of course! Ha! Ha! Ha! Somebody please tickle me. I suppose it’s only polite to laugh at stupid jokes seeing as you are my sorry-ass host,’ said Chief wryly.
    ‘Cut it out, guys!’ said Salmonella, emerging from the guest quarters. She was dressed in her customary white tee-shirt and blue jeans. The slanting beams of the morning sunshine through the tall trees lit her up and she looked gorgeous. Her light hazel eyes danced with mischief and she eyed Derek fondly.
    ‘You look ravishing, Salmonella!’ said Hound as they hugged. ‘Hey, where’s my little sister?’
    ‘I’ll be picking her up in the evening, so why don’t you guys go and freshen up? You look like Yetis. Mind you, dress code is formals. Since you are classless bastards, you’ll find suits of your shapes and sizes in the closet. Pick what you want. Salmonella … er … Florence will help you. Just make sure you look good at my party,’ said Chris.
    ‘He’s still an asshole. Not yet perfect, but he’s getting there,’ said Derek, and turned to Florence.
    ‘Like father, like son. Well, sob story of my life. Anyway, forget him! It’s fabulous to see you guys again!’ said Salmonella cheerfully, as she led the four morons down the red-brick pathway, bordered by blood-red carnations, to the guest quarters. The guesthouse was a European-style bungalow nestling in the shade of the dense carefully manicured jungle.
    Hedges grew thickly around the dwelling filling every nook and corner.
    ‘Psst! Chief! Are you sure we’re guests here or prisoners?’ whispered Goose, clearly intimidated by the sheer grandeur of the place.
    ‘Shut up, you idiot! Of course we are guests, bro. Did you see a bullwhip on that weed head?’ replied Chief.
    Goose let out a sigh of relief as they entered the living room of the ostentatious bungalow. The window overlooking the open-to-sky fishpond told an altogether different story. The coral blue tiling in the pond exuded prosperity. The fireplace in their room was flanked by teak wardrobes decorated with innumerable bottle corks. It reflected the owner’s passion.
    Empty wine bottles were stacked against one wall as part of the décor
    Salmonella introduced them to the caretaker, Ram Singh.
    ‘Freshen up now. I checked out your pictures on Facebook and I know exactly what’ll suit you guys. Now get a good snooze and I’ll see you in the evening. Anything you need, just holler and Ram Singh will be here at your service,’ said Salmonella. A hefty guy in some sort of major domo outfit had mysteriously materialized beside her. He cleared his throat and looked shifty-eyed.
    ‘Him? This creep? He looks like a thug!’ muttered Goose.
    ‘Oh, shut up, Goose! He’s a very loyal servant. He’s dedicated to you already. Aren’t you, Ram Singh?’ said Salmonella as though she were speaking to a puppy.
    ‘Mmm…mm,’ replied Ram Singh, and nodded his head vigorously.
    ‘The strong, silent type, I see’ quipped Derek. He placed his hand on Ram Singh’s shoulder, ‘we just want you to beat it. Is that understood? Shoo, now!’
    Salmonella rolled her eyes heavenwards and sighed deeply. ‘Assholes! Men are all assholes! Anyway, be there sharp at nine. Grace will be there, so Hound, you better ask your pals to behave! Salmonella left with Ram Singh trailing sadly behind her.
    The College Reunion Party: 9 P.M.
    ‘Not bad, Derek, you succeeded in impersonating a human being for a change. Now let’s see if you’re man enough to trick Grace into believing that you’re actually one,’ said Chief appreciatively. Derek was dressed like a dog’s dinner in an expensive outfit, slicked-back, gelled hair and a clean-shaven face. He looked every inch the man with whom Salmonella had once been in love.
    ‘Dammit, that’s an insult! By the way, where are the other jokers? You look like a corporate gigolo, Chief!’ Derek shot back as they walked towards Hound’s room to yank him out of his kennel.