where he's taking me. I stare at the contents of my closet, completely indecisive about what to wear. After three outfit changes and nearly pulling my hair out in frustration at the guessing game, I break down and decide to text Colton. His actual phone number this time, not the dating app. It feels weird contacting him outside of the website, but we're past that point now.
Ember: Where are we going on our date? I need to know what to wear.
I sit on the corner of my bed, waiting for a response. A few minutes later, my phone buzzes.
Colton: Show up naked.
I roll my eyes.
Ember: Ha ha, very funny. I'm serious.
Colton: So am I.
Ember: If you don't tell me where we're going then I just might. Time is ticking.
Colton: My lips are sealed, then.
“ Jerkface.”
Why did I ever agree to go out on a date with him? This guy is impossible.
Briefly, I think about canceling the date, but deep down inside I know I really want to go on it. Colton is interesting and exciting and unlike any other man I've ever met. Not to mention that he is drop dead gorgeous. Never in a million years did I think I would catch the attention of someone like him. And now that I know I have it, there's a part of me that's scared to lose it.
Still, I fear the unknown. Fear the kind of man that he is. He's very capable of hurting me if I let him get too close. That's why I can't let him get too close.
I have to see this for what it is, probably just a few dates to pass the time. As soon as he figures out that I'm serious about not putting out, he'll likely move on to the next woman who is more than willing to spread her legs for him. I'm just going to ride it out and enjoy his company until then. It's not like I have anything better to do.
Tired of trying to settle on a dress on my own, I do eeny, meeny, miny, moe with my current selections and land on a black lace shift dress. To be honest, it was the least favorite of my three choices. The least likely to seduce Colton. But I shouldn't be worried about seducing him anyways, I remind myself.
I pull it over my head and sigh as I look at my reflection in the mirror. The high neckline and long lace sleeves leave a lot to the imagination. The only thing sexy about the dress is that it's short. I pair it with black sandals and wear my hair down in waves. All of my makeup is done in nude tones. The goal is to look as unsultry as possible, and I've accomplished it well, making me seem more like a girl than a woman. Hopefully, it will keep him from advancing on me.
The memory of his kiss is still fresh in my mind. I recall the moment that he walked out of my office and closed the door behind him. I was so flustered, so overwhelmed with a mix of forbidden cravings. I dragged my tongue across my bottom lip, wanting to taste him again. He left behind the faintest hint of mint. It's gone now, though, and a deep part of me wants it back.
I flit my tongue across my lips and taste the waxiness of my lipstick. Gazing at my reflection in the mirror, I realize that I'm projecting what I feel inside. An inexperienced girl who is terrified of everything in relation to men. I look innocent, but the truth is that my body has been soiled. Moving to Houston was a way for me to start fresh, to try to put the past behind me—pretend it never happened. A large part of the last three years has been spent building up an impenetrable wall and refusing to let anyone get close to me.
I never thought I would want to let anyone get close to me after what I've been through.
I never realized that a time would come when I'd get tired of being alone—when I'd know that I had to make a change to truly heal. This is all part of that. Going to therapy. Starting to date.
Up to this point, I've only been willing to go on dates with men whom I'm certain wouldn't overstep their bounds. Colton Larsen is dangerous in that regard. He's a loaded gun with no safety, and I'm the stupid child who thought it might be fun to play with him. He's
Rebecca Hamilton, Conner Kressley