Free A Comedy of Heirs by Rett MacPherson

dammit,” she said. “With your favorite cake.” Aunt Sissy wore her characteristic jeans cut off at the shins, a sweater with different color patches all over it and her yellow Converse sneakers. I’ll admit, that’s who I learned to wear my Converse hightops from. She was the most unique and free-spirited person in the family. Well, other than Uncle Jed. He’s so weird, we almost don’t claim him, though.
    â€œThis is so cool,” I said. “You won’t recognize my girls, they’ve grown so much since we were in Minnesota last.”
    â€œI hardly recognize you,” she said. “When did you sleep last?”
    â€œWhere’s Uncle Joe?” I asked, to avert her question.
    â€œHe’s flying in,” she said. “Had business to attend to.”
    We walked in the door and Rudy greeted us. His nose was not broken, but he sure banged it a good one. We spent two hours in the hospital yesterday during which they asked him all kinds of questions. I think they thought we’d been fighting and that I hit him with something. A swollen nose and slightly bruised eyes were the only damage. Well, aside from that pride of his.
    â€œEgads, Rudy. Did Torie beat you up?” she asked.
    â€œYup,” he said.
    â€œIt’s about damn time,” she said and walked right on by Rudy and into my kitchen. “Hello, Jalena,” she said to my mother. “Still as beautiful as ever, I see.” She spoke the words almost as if it were a sin for my mother to be beautiful. She had such a brusque and matter-of-fact tone to her voice and her manner of speaking that unless she was in her herb garden or, like all my other aunts, quilting, she always spoke like she was giving a business dissertation of some sort.
    â€œThank you, Sissy,” my mother said. “I was just going out on the porch.”
    â€œOh yeah,” Aunt Sissy said. “Go on. You can’t wait to get away from me.”
    My mother just smiled and went on out to the porch. This was typical for Aunt Sissy. I can’t explain why I like this woman so much, I just do. I took the cake from her and put it on the counter next to the mincemeat pie that somebody brought. I couldn’t even begin to remember who it was.
    Wendy came into the room. “Aunt Sissy,” she said. She walked over and did one of those air kisses that you see in Hollywood. “I’ve missed you so much.” The syrupy sugar just dripped from her lips.
    â€œYeah,” Aunt Sissy said with about as much enthusiasm as one would have watching a snail crawl across the porch. “Missed you, too.”
    â€œTorie, my mother said you had a blender we could use to make daiquiris,” Wendy said.
    â€œYeah, up there in that top cabinet. Be careful, though. The deep fryer likes to fall out on people’s heads,” I said.
    â€œOkay,” she said. She pulled a chair over and got the blender down, and sure enough the fryer came flying out, but she was ready for it and caught it and shoved it back in. “Thanks,” she said and put the chair back. She straightened her blouse down over her skirt so that there were no wrinkles, left the blender on the counter and then left the room.
    â€œI hate that girl,” Aunt Sissy said.
    I just smiled.
    â€œSo, Ike is here,” Aunt Sissy declared.
    â€œEvidently,” I said. She was speaking of her brother Isaac who was Wendy’s father. “I didn’t see him arrive, but it would seem that he and Aunt Nancy are here, based on what Wendy just said.”
    â€œAnd my other rotten no-good brother?”
    â€œWhich one?”
    â€œAll of them.”
    â€œActually, they are all here. Or at least somewhere in town. The only one we are waiting on is Aunt Ruth, now that you are here.”
    â€œSo when you people gonna get some snow?” she asked.
    â€œIt snowed last night.”
    â€œYou call that snow?” She made some