Free Falling for Seven by T.A Richards Neville

had no concept of. And even though we were very much—after months of going back and forth—in a committed relationship, I embarrassingly put in way more than I got back. But in those moments we were alone and we managed to block out the rest of the world, we were nothing short of perfect.
    “That was pretty crazy last night,” he said, looking at me through a carefully constructed film.
    “It was shit,” I correct him. “I don’t want to kiss other guys. I don’t want you to want me to kiss other guys.”
    His defensive stance was up like a flash. “I never heard you saying no.”
    “In all the time we have been together you damn well know I don’t want to kiss anyone else.”
    “Guess I never thought you’d really do it.”
    Why did I always feel like I was losing him?
    “I shouldn’t have,” I said, shaking my head. “I should have said no and I’m sorry. I’m a horrible and selfish drunk.”
    He sighed and sunk lower in his chair. “Maybe it’s a sign.” He was shutting down right before my eyes. If I squinted hard enough I’d be able to see the fight being literally sucked out of him.
    “A sign for what?” The familiar vise clamped tight around my chest. I was on a tightrope and he had the power to yank it out from under me at any time. Right now was one of those times.
    “If you can just go and kiss someone else then that tells us something.” He spoke so casually, like this was my problem.
    “It was a game,” I said in disbelief. “A game I didn’t even want to play. You wanted to stay, remember that?” My desperation had me internally cringing, but it wasn’t enough to make me stop. I’d stayed for a game I didn’t want to play, because I thought that was what he wanted.
    “I never thought it would end like that.” Jordan’s frappe sat in front of him untouched, and the sweetness of my milkshake threatened to make an early appearance right back out the way it went in. “I just wonder if this is working out.”
    I knew it was coming. I’d found myself taking a wrong turn into this conversation more than once, but I was blindsided every time. My reaction now was delivered with precision and complete surprise. Jordan looked exasperated with my stunned silence, but I spoke first. “What are you saying? You want to breakup?”
    “I’m saying maybe we should take a break.”
    “Take a break from what? We don’t go to the same college, we don’t have the same friends. We don’t live next to each other anymore. In what sense do we need a break?” I really wanted to be the strong girl here who says to hell with the dickhead who is breaking her heart, but I was so in love I couldn’t see straight. Tears leaked into my eyes and my heart was suddenly pounding. But Jordan was as cool as a cucumber, or a very good actor, because he didn’t look half as affected. “Are you not happy with me?”
    He exhaled, his careless expression loosening. “You know I am. I’m just so…”
    “So what?”
    “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore.”
    Okay, this was mildly bearable. I wasn’t being dumped on the spot. I could still save this relationship. But I seriously didn’t know what he wanted. I gave him freedom, he went out with the guys without a peep of objection from me. Now I was in university and he was working full-time we hardly even had to see each other. “Is it our schedules?” I asked. “Because I thought that would have suited you perfectly.” I was always busy. He was always busy…
    “I’m not used to having a girlfriend.”
    “But I thought we had fun. We’re still having fun.”
    “We are, and when I think about you with anyone else, I fucking hate it.”
    “I see.” My blurred vision grew in strength, but I dared one tear to drop. I had to talk over the lump in my throat. “Is that the only reason you are with me? Because you don’t want anyone else to have me?”
    “No, it’s not the only reason.” He rubbed his fists over his eyes. His