Free Bitter Angels by C. L. Anderson

is the first precept?” asked Misao.
    Response was automatic. The words welled up from my center. I could not have kept silent even if I’d wanted to. I was Terese Drajeske, here and now, with Misao, Siri, Vijay, and my own battered self. “Peace is my duty. Peace is what I am called to watch and expand. I hold close the knowledge that any death by my hand may start the war without end. Only peace creates life. Only life creates peace.”
    The light under my hand changed from red to green, andit was done. I blinked and drew in a shaky breath. It was then I noticed the pain had stopped.
    Oh, David .
    I waited for either Siri or Vijay to welcome me back. Neither did. Misao touched another few commands. “Thank you, Field Commander.”
    I nodded curtly. Misao, my chief once more, bowed his head. We stood like that in silence for a moment. He was telling me he was sorry. Not for what he was doing, but that he could not pay the price himself. Vijay had tried to tell me the same thing, I think, but I hadn’t been ready to feel it. Maybe taking the oath again had reopened the old channels. Maybe now that I’d actually reached the point of no return, I needed to grab hold of those around me so I would stop feeling so desperately alone.
    At the time, I didn’t know which of these was the truth.
    I still don’t.

 

    SIX
     

    AMERAND
     
    “Welcome back , Captain Jireu.”
    My personal Clerk, Hamahd, was waiting for me as soon as I emerged into Dazzle’s battered port yard. The dusty, open space was the polar opposite of Hospital’s flashy arcade. Anything glamorous, valuable, or useful had been stripped away a long time ago. Bare stone and pitted, dirt-smeared concrete baked beneath the lighting panels.
    “Thank you, Hamahd.” I pressed my palm against the pad Hamahd held out, officially swearing that I had gone out with three crew and come back with two because of officially sanctioned and recorded actions taken in the line of duty. The cameras had already recorded my arrival, but Hamahd was particular. His eyes shone bright and beady as a snake’s. He was watching and was not going to disguise the fact. It was one of the things I liked most about him. If I had to have a minder, I preferred that we were both up-front about it.
    “Is there anything I should be aware of?” I asked.
    “Commander Barclay has asked to see you.” Hamahd tucked the pad under his arm. As always, his long black coat was immaculate. It hung in heavy folds over his prominent belly and brushed the top of his neat boots.
    “Right away?”
    “Yes.”
    I sighed. My head ached.
    I wanted to go down to the base streets and the tunnels. I wanted noise and faces. I wanted to talk to people and hearthem talk to me, about life and complaints and trivia. I wanted to see Father.
    I wanted the Security to go away for a while. I had done next to nothing on the trip but sit in silence and think. The ship was hyperwired, and small. Leda and Ceshame and I got on all right, but if they saw an opportunity for advancement, they’d take it. It had not been safe to say one word about Emiliya, to pull her letter out of my pocket, or to seek out additional information about Kapa. All I could do was sit in my couch or my pilot’s chair and turn over the thoughts in my own head. I didn’t like the fact that he had turned up and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t believe it was all about Emiliya. Kapa had never run one game at a time. He’d always had something going in the background even when we were kids. If now was his time to try to talk Emiliya into the shadows, it was because it worked into something deeper.
    I turned to Leda and Ceshame. “Get back to the station and check in. Start up the get-to files. Then you can check out, unless something new’s come up.” A riot, a murder, something like that.
    They yes-captained me and stepped smartly out the gate. Bored secops, all of whom got this post because they were in trouble with their commanding