Free How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) by Erin Butler

give her. I’d always had it to give her. She just didn’t want it from me. “Are you kidding me? You are worth it.”
    She threw her arms around me this time and buried her head in the crook of my neck. “I don’t do those things. I’m not like that. Please don’t think I’m like that.”
    Maybe it was the alcohol making her act this way, but I didn’t care. I rubbed her back in slow circles. “I came because you said you needed me. I’m not sure why you didn’t call Bear. Actually, I take that back, I can probably guess why you didn’t call Bear.”
    Her hands fell away from me, and I stepped back. Why had I brought up Bear? Screw Bear. I wanted her to want me. Bear didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve her, either, but I wanted her more.
    “I didn’t call Bear because…because…I wanted you.”
    Well, that was promising.
    “Kelsey, listen, I know it’s none of my business who you have sex with but—”
    “I don’t have sex.”
    “—you shouldn’t…” Wait. She said she doesn’t have sex. As in she wasn’t going to have sex with that guy, or she doesn’t have sex…like never had sex? “Are you saying you’re a virgin?”
    She nodded and I had to stop myself from smiling. Maybe she and Bear weren’t serious. God, could I get that lucky? But then again, she’d been doing something with that boy with her shirt off. What the hell?
    I ran my hands through my hair and grabbed the ends. I needed to make her understand that was so not the way. “You were going to let that guy be your first? What the hell were you thinking?”
    She shook her head. “I wasn’t.”
    No shit. “That’s pretty obvious. You were going to let your first time be in some douchebag’s frat room with a bunch of other stupid college kids going at it ten feet away…with someone who doesn’t love you?”
    A fire lit behind her eyes. “No. Not I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t going to have sex with him. Unlike the girls you’re attracted to, I should point out. Tell me, how many girls’ virginity have you taken in exactly the same way?”
    Every muscle in my body pulled tight. I didn’t like being reminded of the girls I’d done things with and not cared about. I was a completely different person now. “You’re right, Kels. I used to be like that. I’m not anymore, though, because I realized how stupid it was. Sex is important. Sex is fun, yes, but I want it to be special for you. I wish I’d waited for someone special to share it with.”
    She looked down at her hands. “I want to be normal. Normal kids go to frat parties and have fun. Normal kids don’t have to worry about their parents not sleeping in the same room, or if the guy they’re seeing thinks they’re even remotely attractive, or if their brother’s body is cold under six feet of dirt.”
    My heart wrenched painfully. I’d put that pain inside her. If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have to worry about her brother lying in a fucking casket. Her parents would be fine. If it weren’t for me, I’d probably have her right now. Not Bear. In a roundabout way, I was probably also the reason why she was shit-faced and thinking getting banged by a frat boy douchebag was a good idea.
    And here I was getting excited because Bear hadn’t had sex with her yet. I was a fucking loser. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t even deserve to be happy she was still untouched. I’d never deserve that honor with her. Even if she would have me, I couldn’t let myself have sex with her. I’d fucked up her entire life.
    But hell, I was a selfish, selfish man. And I wanted her too badly. Needed her.
    My hands worked their way around her waist. Fuck Bear. Fuck everything else. “Dammit. Listen. This is one time when you need to be different. No matter what happens or has happened, getting drunk and doing whatever everybody else is doing isn’t the answer. And you worry Bear doesn’t think you’re attractive? He’s fucking blind if he doesn’t.”
    Her