Free My Point...And I Do Have One by Ellen Degeneres Page A

person.
    I’m a person who’s a woman, and I don’t like dresses or panty hose or heels. I guess you could chuckle and say that I’m just a woman trapped in a woman’s body. But, if you did say that, nobody would know what you meant,and probably more than one person would ask you to kindly stop chuckling.
    High heels should be outlawed (at the very least there should be a five-day waiting period before you can buy them). They destroy your feet. It should be mandatory that the Surgeon General print a warning label on high heels like they do on a package of cigarettes (i.e., Warning: These shoes can lead to lower back pain, aching toes, and the illusion that you’re taller than you actually are).
    Anyway, just to reiterate, I do know I’m a girl. As proof (and I don’t know why you want proof all of a sudden), when I’m out in public and I have to use the restroom, I head straight for the ladies’ room or the door with a stick figure wearing a dress (even though I’m not wearing one myself) or, if it’s a seafood restaurant, the door marked “Gulls” and not “Buoys.”
    I guess the bigger point, though, is that fairly or unfairly (and sometimes both at the same time), we are judged by the way we look. And, more often than not, we’re the ones who are judging ourselves.
    I ’m sometimes—by which I mean most of the time—insecure about the way I look. But, then again, I believe most people are insecure about their looks (though I’m not sure enough of myself to ask them). I’d bet even supermodels sometimes look at themselves in the mirror and say, “Oh, look. There’s a part of me that’s less perfect than the other parts of me that are more perfect.”
    I know that I’m being too critical. I know that I should just accept the way I look. I know that my appearance isn’t as important to me as my thoughts and creativity and energy and relationships with people: that’s what I thrive on. But none of this knowledge stops me from spending hours in front of the mirror looking for what I’ve been told(by the people waiting in line behind me at the Gap) are imaginary imperfections.
    Doesn’t it seem that when you look in the mirror, the tiniest imperfections seem huge? And you know that that’s all people are going to be staring at all day: a blemish, a rebel strand of hair that refuses to behave, a flaming arrow in your forehead (this may not be a good example of a tiny imperfection).
    So that I don’t spend most of my day looking in the mirror consumed with self-doubt, I’ve developed some basic grooming and fashion tips that help me get started each day. And, on the small chance that they may help you, too, here they are.
    There is only one rule: You’ve got to have nice shoes—that’ll get you by. (Remember the saying: “I felt bad because I had no shoes, then I saw someone with really ugly shoes?”) Well, unless you’re wearing ratty old socks with holes in them. That would be stupid. So, nice shoes
and
nice socks are all you need.
    And, of course, there’s your hair. That’s important, too. It should be well-groomed—be it long or short. Here’s another tip: If you’ve ever had spaghetti in your hair, you know it’s hard to tell because, of course, it’s long and stringy. Now if your hair
isn’t
long and stringy, it’s easier to tell. But, just in case, always check your hair every morning for spaghetti.
    Any type of pasta aside, your hair should be trimmed regularly and have a clean, fresh appearance. Well, that goes for your overall body really—it should be clean and fresh. You should try to not have any perspiration (or very little) and smell good. Nice odor is important.
    Now makeup, in my humble opinion, is optional. But that’s just me. I’ve
never
understood the concept—except in movies and TV, where without makeup you look like a zombie; though, not enough like a zombie to get away without wearing any if you’re playing a zombie in amovie. It’s what we in L.A. call