Free My Point...And I Do Have One by Ellen Degeneres Page B

a vicious circle. Or maybe it’s something else we call a vicious circle. Either way, makeup is optional.
    Why must women wake up and paint their faces? Who came up with this idea? What’s wrong with washing and moisturizing? So, if you wash and moisturize, if you care to wear makeup, go right ahead. No one’s stopping you. I only suggest reconsidering. Is it totally necessary? If you are a man the same rule applies. Also if you care to shave, go ahead and shave.
    So, now that the grooming part is taken care of, we’ll move on to clothing. I won’t go so far as to pick out your outfits, but they should be stylish—not trendy—classic clothes. They should be comfortable, not stifling or too conservative. Hats are optional, although it’s a risk. It is definitely making a strong statement that others may react negatively to. So bear that in mind, won’t you? Also remember, you’re eventually going to take off your hat. And, there’s no telling what your harr is going to look like. It may have given up hope and be lying dead on your scalp. Or, craving oxygen, it might be jutting out in surreal spikes. There may also have been spaghetti in your hat before you put it on. In that case, go back to the earlier tip.
    Speak clearly and directly in an even tone, loud enough to be heard but not so loud as to be annoying. Have you put on those good shoes? Now you’re ready for the day.
    And remember, don’t let anyone—not me, not even the great pasta chefs of Europe!—tell you how you
should
look.

the scariest
thing

R EAL F EARS VS . R IDICULOUS F EARS
 
 
Fear of earthquakes.
Fear of a pack of wild baby kittens dropping on your head as you are sleeping soundly in your bed at night.
Fear of flying.
Fear of losing control of the volume of your speech while saying something rude about someone sitting in front of you while at church.
Fear of speaking in public.
Fear of combing your hair so hard your head bleeds while your date is waiting in the front room.
Fear of high places.
Fear of having the uncontrollable urge of shaving not only your head, but the heads of everyone you meet.
Fear of dying.                 
Fear of eating way too many oranges for no apparent reason.
    W hen you’re a grown-up and you’re up really late, it’s still scary, isn’t it? No matter how much you try to convince yourself it’s cool, it’s okay, you’re imagining those little noises. It’s scary. Whoever started all those boogeyman stories is a horrible person. It had to be started, obviously, by one guy—one guy telling a little kid a bedtime story. He just threw in the boogeyman. Clearly it caught on. I doubt there are royalties involved—if there are, he’s probably feeling ripped off. Who knew it would turn out to be such a big hit? Maybe he could try to sue K.C. and the Sunshine Band. Although it’s a different boogeyman, thesong still scares me. Don’t get me wrong—I danced to it just as much as the rest of you in 1975—but come on, someone sat down and wrote those lyrics. But I digress. My point … and I do have one, is that I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and listen with them. Have you noticed that? When it’s dark and you can’t see a thing, you open your eyes really wide and glance back and forth, like your eyes become your ears? Maybe it’s just me.
    You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the things that scare her or him (actually, I’m not really sure that’s true, but since it’s the premise of this story, I’ll write it down and hope that nobody reads it too carefully). Sometimes what a person fears is actually the thing that they desire. For instance, if somebody is afraid of ice cream it could mean that they desire ice cream (hence the saying, I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream). However, if that person is allergic to ice cream, it probably means that they desire hives or some other type of rash.
    S