Free Tales of the Unexpected by Roald Dahl

chances,’ the man answered grimly. ‘We’re going to have another practice right now.’
    ‘Oh no, please! I couldn’t stand it!’
    ‘Look,’ the man said, ‘all the way out here to take money off this rich bitch and you have to go and mess it up.’
    My wife’s turn to jump.
    ‘The second time this week,’ he went on.
    ‘I promise I won’t do it again.’
    ‘Sit down. I’ll sing them out and you answer.’
    ‘No, Henry,
please
! Not all five hundred of them. It’ll take three hours.’
    ‘All right, then. We’ll leave out the finger positions. I think you’re sure of those. We’ll just do the basic bids showing honour tricks.’
    ‘Oh, Henry, must we? I’m so tired.’
    ‘It’s absolutely essential you get them perfect,’ he said. ‘We have a game every day next week, you know that. And we’ve got to eat.’
    ‘What is this?’ my wife whispered. ‘What on earth is it?’
    ‘Shhh!’ I said. ‘Listen!’
    ‘All right,’ the man’s voice was saying. ‘Now we’ll start from the beginning. Ready?’
    ‘Oh Henry,
please
!’ She sounded very near to tears.
    ‘Come on, Sally. Pull yourself together.’
    Then, in a quite different voice, the one we had been used to hearing in the living-room, Henry Snape said, ‘
One
club.’ I noticed that there was a curious, lilting emphasis on the word ‘one’, the first part of the word drawn out long.
    ‘Ace queen of clubs,’ the girl replied wearily. ‘King jack of spades. No hearts, and ace jack of diamonds.’
    ‘And how many cards to each suit? Watch my finger positions carefully.’
    ‘You said we could miss those.’
    ‘Well – if you’re quite sure you know them?’
    ‘Yes, I know them.’
    A pause, then ‘A
club
.’
    ‘King jack of clubs,’ the girl recited. ‘Ace of spades. Queen jack of hearts, and ace queen of diamonds.’
    Another pause, then ‘I’ll say
one
club.’
    ‘Ace king of clubs…’
    ‘My heavens alive!’ I cried. ‘It’s a bidding code! They show every card in the hand!’
    ‘Arthur, it couldn’t be!’
    ‘It’s like those men who go into the audience and borrow something from you and there’s a girl blindfolded on the stage and from the way he phrases the question she can tell him exactly what it is – even a railway ticket, and what station it’s from.’
    ‘It’s impossible!’
    ‘Not at all. But it’s tremendous hard work to learn. Listen to them.’
    ‘I’ll go
one heart
,’ the man’s voice was saying.
    ‘King queen ten of hearts. Ace jack of spades. No diamonds. Queen jack of clubs…’
    ‘And you see,’ I said, ‘he tells her the
number
of cards he has in each suit by the position of his fingers.’
    ‘How?’
    ‘I don’t know. You heard him saying about it.’
    ‘My
God
, Arthur! Are you sure that’s what they’re doing?’
    ‘I’m afraid so.’ I watched her as she walked quickly over to the side of the bed to fetch a cigarette. She lit it with her back to me and then swung round, blowing the smoke up at the ceiling in a thin stream. I knew we were going to have to do something about this, but I wasn’t quite sure what because we couldn’t possibly accuse them without revealing the source of our information. I waited for my wife’s decision.
    ‘Why, Arthur,’ she said slowly, blowing out clouds of smoke. ‘Why, this is a
marvellous
idea. D’you think
we
could learn to do it?’
    ‘What!’
    ‘Of course. Why not?’
    ‘Here! No! Wait a minute, Pamela…’ but she came swiftly across the room, right up close to me where I was standing, and she dropped her head and looked down at me – the old look of a smile that wasn’t a smile, at the corners of the mouth, and the curl of the nose, and the big full grey eyes staring at me with their bright black centres, and then they were grey, and all the rest was white flecked with hundreds of tiny red veins – and when she looked at me like this, hard and close, I swear to you it made me feel as though I were