Free If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) by C.A. Johnson

time, just before giving way to their own release, after
first making sure the other had what each needed.
     
    ***
     
    Perri
had no idea how Journey managed to get her back home in one piece, but knew she
must have, as she stood under the shower stall, thinking about the last shitty
eight hours of her life.
    How
could Barrington do that to me ? How could he lie
through his teeth declaring he loved me, then make what I thought was love to
me, and then up and leave me? Just like that without an explanation, proclamation,
declaration, nothing; not even a damn note to say ‘get out of my house, I got
what I wanted from you, now we’re through’ as it were, Perri thought hotly.
    “I
was so stupid,” she choked on the words along with tears. Perri scrubbed her
body more violently this time around, closing her eyes tight to shut out the
wonderful flashbacks that still held her memory captive. “Why are you doing
this to me, Barrington?” she asked of the steam surrounding her from the hot
shower. Her lips quivered, she bit her lower lip hard to quell the tremble; she
tasted Barrington. Her still tender core reminded her of the way he skillfully worked
her body to perfection. No matter what she did, she thought of him. No matter
what she tried to focus on, she saw his handsome face. He was everywhere and
like wandering around a maze confused which way to turn, she was surrounded by
him. Though Barrington wasn't present physically, he held her captive by
thought, word and deed. She was enslaved to his love, knowing he purposely
captured her. He was in her. She was his and he didn't want her. How could she
want someone who didn't want her? She needed to know, though it would change
nothing as far as him dumping her, she knew.
    Intimate
pictures of the two of them displayed across the screen of her mind; her lips
began to burn and her heart beat faster than the normal pace as she felt
herself getting turned on and that made her cry more out of frustration than
hurt from his blatant rejection. Perri gripped the shower head, her tears
replaced by sudden horror, fear, and anger as a horrifying thought took root in
her frayed mind. “Oh. My. God!” she gasped, struggling for air to force its way
through her lungs. It hurt and she couldn’t breathe right.
    Perri
didn't know when she recovered enough to move, but must have, because suddenly,
she was in her bedroom, searching the calendar frantically. A shot of pain
stabbed her heart all over again as she recalled the last time they made love
without a glove. They were so caught up they got stupid and didn't use a
condom. How could they have been so careful the first four times and gotten
careless the fifth? She cursed them both. And fool her, why didn't she let him
pull out when he tried? Because he felt so good I didn't wanna be denied of
feeling him inside me with nothing between us. Foolish, foolish, foolish
girl, she berated herself again.
    If
her calculations were correct, and Perri knew they were, she could quite possibly
have a permanent sidekick shortly after the first of the New Year.
    “Oh,
my god,” she cried, sinking to the carpet. “How could you do this to me,
Barrington? How could you just leave me . . . like . . . like I was some . . .
some meaningless groupie? You p-promised you wouldn't h-hurt me?” Her lungs
were on fire and felt like they were being squeezed as she fought to breathe.
“You're such a damn liar. I'm so blame stupid!”
    The
thought of him loving every inch of her body inside and out so sweet, so tender,
so good, too good came rushing back to her. She felt the tenderness and the
tingling between her legs all over again. Then all too quickly she felt the
hurt, pain and shame of waking up to ask him to make love to her again, just to
find he was gone. She felt like a pure-d fool discovering not only was
Barrington not in his bed with her, he was also nowhere to be found in his
house.
    The
only other person she encountered was his native