Free Lawless by Helenkay Dimon Page A

dangerous for her self-control. “Agreed.”
    He held out a hand. “Then throw me a pillow and—”
    “But it’s still happening.”
    With that his arm dropped to his side again. “You go to my head.”
    And he didn’t look particularly happy about the idea. His face stayed blank and his eyes flat. He froze in place and looked as likely to bolt as he was to take a step closer.
    The words both freeing and empty went to her head and stuck there. “What does that mean?”
    “I’ve never been attracted to a woman the way I’m attracted to you.” He pushed away from the door and walked across the room.
    With each step, his hiking boots fell quietly against the hard floor. The cabin walls creaked and thunder drummed in the distance. The harder the winds and heavier the sheets of rain, the more she waited for the outside to storm in. The sturdy structures held, but a dribble leaked in at the back left corner near the open closet.
    All she could focus on was the soft tap of his steps until he stopped in front of her. With only a foot separating them, she could smell him. Feel the weight of his gaze upon her.
    As she stood, her gaze traveled over his flat stomach and the smooth muscles under his damp tee. “So, naturally, you left me.”
    “Normal doesn’t work for me.”
    How many times had she heard that excuse? It appeared to be his favorite, which made it her least. “You say that often enough for it to be your motto.”
    “The way I was raised...” He broke off and shook his head. “Look, things can work for a little while but that’s it.”
    There it was. The blanket statement that ended it all. The sentiment would have been sweetly misguided if it hadn’t driven them apart. He believed. It amounted to nonsense talk, but in his head he viewed it as truth.
    Shame that on this one issue he ignored the reality that life could be better than what he was handed. “How do you know?”
    His eyes narrowed. “What?”
    “How many long-term relationships have you had?” She steeled her body for the verbal blow. She had a theory and put it out there, hoping she’d turn out to be right.
    “We should talk about something else.” He started to pivot.
    “I’ll narrow it down for you.” She spoke louder and put a hand on his arm to hold him there. “Did you ever live with a woman?”
    He blinked a few times. “Just you, and that was informal.”
    The relief crashing over her nearly knocked her down. “Ever date one woman for more than three months in a row?”
    He didn’t hesitate. “You.”
    The last of the tension whooshed out of her. Even though she seemed to be the only one fighting for them, at least he refrained from using her weakness for him against her. “Then you have no idea what you could or couldn’t do long term.”
    “I didn’t go to school until I was eleven.” He folded his hand over hers where it lay against her arm.
    “Do you think that’s a test for something?” The rain cast dampness over everything and had her shivering, but his touch sent warmth spiraling through her.
    “Yes, for everything.”
    His palm brought the heat back to her limbs. “All it says to me is your father was a sick man, which I already knew. He grew paranoid and scary and died from a brain tumor. You didn’t hide that from me.”
    His hand squeezed hers. “That wasn’t really an option since your father had my information and knew.”
    Not a surprise. Her father specialized in collecting information. The more confidential and harder to find, the more he liked hunting it down. He was a specific type of person. The same type as Joel.
    “Believe it or not, he didn’t hand me your personnel file,” she said.
    This time Joel smiled and life sparked behind those serious eyes. “I bet he tried.”
    “Yes.” He’d lectured, done everything but make a pros and cons list about Joel.
    Not that her dad would put anything on the con list. He loved Joel like a son and wanted him to be the one for her. Dad had