Free The Luckiest by Mila McWarren

that’s always been true—he has wanted Nik since he was just starting to understand what that meant—and this simple desire is not the point, anyway, because Nik is not somebody it will ever be that easy with.
    Alex slides forward to lean between the seats. “What if it’s not about sex, Aaron? What if he wants to be with you?”
    “First of all: it’s always about sex, at least a little. And if it’s more than that, how is that supposed to work? I don’t have any idea where he’s going to grad school, but you said he was happy in Austin; I can only guess he’ll stay somewhere in Texas. It’s not like there aren’t any schools here, and you know what his dad is like. My work is the opposite of mobile and, besides that, fuck, I love New York.”
    Alex doesn’t meet his eyes in the rearview mirror, and just like that his heart splinters. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping, in some small, immature way, that the new connection with Nik could be something. Alex looks uncom­fortable, maybe even sad, and he knows: It isn’t happening. Last night had been wonderful and very exciting, but it can’t happen.
    “More than you love Nik?” Jasmine throws back.
    He bristles. “What are you even talking about? I haven’t been in love with him for years.”
    Jasmine gives him a look. “Do you think you’re funny?”
    He gives her a look of his own, but she goes on. “Look. Aaron. I know you’re not that boy from high school anymore, that you’re not still an uptight little overachiever who only wants to get the hell out of here. You have moved up and on and I don’t even want to know how many men you’ve slept with, because there’s having a good time and then there’s full-on-slutty, and it makes me sad to think about you that way.”
    He rolls his eyes.
    “Fine, you make that face, but I remember the boy you used to be, that sweet boy who just wanted somebody wonderful to love you, and baby, you found him. You found him five years ago and the two of you managed to fuck it up, and he’s still here, and he still makes you crazy. Do you know what I would give to feel that way about somebody again? You’re a fool if you’re too chickenshit to at least try.”
    Aaron drives.
    When Alex speaks up; her body is still, so he knows she’s serious. “She’s right. And Aaron, you still make him crazy. I can’t… you really need to talk to him.”
    He sighs. “You don’t understand. I’m not that boy anymore, and besides that—” He breaks off and is quiet before he says, “You don’t know how fucked up that whole thing was by the time it ended. Just be glad it’s better now. At least we can be in the same room. It’s better if nobody pushes it.”
    Alex locks eyes with him in the rearview mirror. “That’s bullshit. That boy is still a part of you. And I know more about that breakup than you realize, Aaron. Not that you ever told me anything.”
    He narrows his eyes and his gaze darts back and forth between the road and the mirror. “What do you know?”
    “Nothing you couldn’t find out, if you had the balls to do it,” Alex says with a look of defiance, as she throws herself back into the seat.
    They’re quiet for the rest of the drive.
    When they pull up to the house, it’s after nine. The windows are ablaze with light, and they can hear people laughing from the back decks that face the water. Nik is sitting on the steps facing the street, fooling around on his guitar with his laptop open next to him.
    Aaron shakes Alex awake and they all go to the back of the Tahoe to collect their packages. The girls leave Aaron to struggle with everything that isn’t Jasmine’s dress. Nik laughs and closes his laptop, trying to stop Alex from grabbing a sneak peek at his playlist. “It’s not ready yet, Alex! Thursday, we said Thursday!”
    “It’s my wedding! It has to be perfect, Nik! Just a hint?”
    Jasmine, bless her, rolls her eyes and says, “Come on, Bride­zilla. Let’s get you