Free The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin, Nicola Kraus

drinks, you lazy bitches!" H. H. comes over to assist with
    thebeertransport.

    "Hey,Grayer's girlfriend, right?" Hesmiles broadly.

    Heremembered! No,badNanny. Stockexchange,stockexchange.Yet I can't helpnoting a comparative
    lackofgadgetsadorninghis Levi's.
    "I'm happy to report that he's out for the count after one reading of Goodnight Moon." I smile back in

    spiteof myself.

    "I hopeJoneshereisn't giving you ahardtime."Jonescracksup attheunintendeddoubleentendre. "He
    canbe abit much,"hesays,glaringover myshoulderatJones. "Hey,youshouldjoinus."
    "Yeah,I'm kindoftired."
    "Please, just for a quick drink." I eye the group skeptically, but I'm swayed as his hair falls in his eyes

    whenhepicksup thepitchers.

    I follow him over and they make room for me to sit down.A round of boisterous introductions ensue in
    whichI am compelledtoshakeevery clammy handatthetable.
    "Howdoyouknowour boy, here?" onehatasks.
    "'Causewe all gowayback?
    "Back in the day." They bob their heads like chickens, repeating "back in the day" about a thousand

    times.
    "Theythinktherewas aday," H. H. saysquietly,turninghis headtome. "Sohow's workgoing?"
    "Work!"Theearsof a hatprickup. "Where doyouwork?"
    "Are youinananalyst program?"
    "No?
    "Are you amodel?"
    "No,I'm ananny."There's anaudiblestir.
    "Dude!" oneguysays,punching H. H. ontheshoulder.
    "Dude,younever toldusyouknew ananneehhh."
    I realize from their glazed smiles that they've just cast me in every nanny-themed porn film ever

    screenedintheirfrathousebasements.
    "So,"thedrunkestbegins, "isthedadhot?"

    THE NANNY DIARIES
    "Hashehitonyou?"
    "Urn,no.I haven't met himyet."
    "Is theMomhot?" anotheroneasks.
    "Well, I don't thinkso?
    "Whataboutthekid?Isthekidhot?Hasheever made apass atyou?"They all speakatonce.
    "Well, he's four,so?Thereis a hardnesstotheirtonethatdispels anyillusionofgood-naturedfun.I turn

    to the gentleman who brought me over here, but he seems frozen, blushing deeply with his brown eyes
    downcast.
    "Are anyofthedads hot?"

    "Right. If you'll excuseme?I standup.
    "Come on". ones stares me down?you're trying to tell us you never fucked any of the dads?" My last
    nervesnaps.

    "How original of you. You want to know who the dads are? They're you in about two more years.And they're not fucking the nanny. They're not fucking their wives. They're not fucking anyone. Because they get fat, they go bald, they lose their appetites and drink, a lot, because they have to, not because they want to. So enjoy yourselves, boyz. 'Cause back in the day is gonna be lookin' real good. Now pleasedon't get up."MyheartpoundsasI pullonmysweater,grabmybag,andwalkout thedoor.
    "Hey,holdon!" H. H. catchesup tomeas I stormacross thestreet. I turn,waiting for himtotellme that they all have terminal cancer and a reign of terror was their last request. "Look, they didn't mean anything bythat."Whichhedoesn't.
    "Oh."I nodathim. "Sotheytalktoevery girl likethat?Or justtheoneswhoworkintheirbuildings?"
    He crosses his bare arms and hunches up against the cold. "Look, they're just friends from high school.
    I mean,I barelyhangoutwith themany?
    TheBadWitchcomes flying out. "Shameonyou."
    Hestammers, "They're justreallydrunk?

    "No.They're justreallyassholes."
    We stareateachother andI waitforhimtosaysomething, butheseemsparalyzed.
    "Well," I finally say, "it's been a long day." I'm suddenly utterly exhausted and keenly aware of pulsing

    painfromtheburnonmyhand.
    I forcemyself nottolookbackasI walkaway.

    Nanny,
    Thepartywas agreatsuccess. Thankyousomuchforyourhelp.
    Theseshoes reallyare toomuch forme and MrX doesn. careforthecolor. Ifthey. eyour sizeyou. ewelcome tothem, otherwisepleasetakethemtoEncoreresaleshoponMadisonand84th. I haveanaccount.
    By the way, have you seen the Lalique frame that was sitting on Mr X. desk? The one with thepictureofGrayerwithhisfatherfromAspen? Itseemstobemissing. Canyoucallthecaterers andseeiftheytookithomebyaccident?
    I. lberecuperatingatBliss, somyphonewill beofffortherestof