Free The Secret to Lying by Todd Mitchell

long, old-fashioned, beautifully written letters where people poured their hearts out and used words like “beholden” and “protean.”
    johnnyrotten: Protean?
    ghost44: Constantly changing. Taking on different shapes, forms, meanings, etc. As in, “I am beholden to your protean heart.”
    johnnyrotten: So why don’t you write me a letter?
    ghost44: No attention span for it. Besides, it’s lonely writing letters. You spend all your time trying to capture some fleeting, gut-wrenching feeling in words, and then you never even know if the person you send it to reads it. Or what they’re doing when they read it. Or if they understand. There’s no feedback. Rather narcissistic when you think about it. I mean, who’s the letter for — yourself or the person you’re writing to? At least this way, I know you’re there.
    johnnyrotten: Yeah, but I could be picking my nose right now or sitting buck naked while feral wombats lick pudding off my chest.
    ghost44: That’s how I prefer to see you — except with chocolate syrup instead of pudding.
    johnnyrotten: Great. Wish I knew how to see you. Why are you afraid to tell me who you are?
    ghost44: That again? If you keep asking who I am, you’re missing the point.
    johnnyrotten: Hold up. I’m not asking *who* anymore.
    ghost44: You’re not?
    johnnyrotten: Nope. I’m asking *why.* As in, Why bother with this secrecy? Why not tell me your name?
    ghost44: That’s easy. You ever curse at a dog in a sweet voice?
    johnnyrotten: WTF???
    ghost44: Most of the time, that’s all people do when they talk to each other. Take the phrase: “Your hair looks nice.” Or “Pretty dress.” Or “You want to work on chemistry homework together?” Translation: “That style is lame.” “You’re such a slut.” “What will it take to get in your pants?”
    johnnyrotten: Are you saying that when I do homework with my lab partners, I really want to sleep with them?
    ghost44: No. But when you *ask* to do homework with someone, is it because you really want to solve equations with them?
    johnnyrotten: I see your point.
    ghost44: Communication is deception. What I’m offering is a far better thing.
    johnnyrotten: So what are you offering?
    ghost44: Something honest. Conversation without all the lies.
    johnnyrotten: People don’t always lie. Sometimes they say what they mean.
    ghost44: Oh please. You, of all people, know better.
    johnnyrotten: What’s that supposed to mean?
    ghost44: Just that everyone’s concerned about their image. Everyone wants to seem a certain way. Act a certain way. Fit in. Be popular.
    johnnyrotten: I don’t care about my image.
    ghost44: Yes, you do. It’s just part of your image to seem like you don’t care.
    johnnyrotten: And you’re so much better?
    ghost44: No. I’m worse. I’m consumed by image — that’s why I’m a ghost. It’s only when I have no image at all that I can be honest.
    johnnyrotten: Hold up. How is talking online any more honest than talking to someone in person? I mean, for all I know, you could be a forty-year-old trucker who hacked into our server and is pretending to be a seventeen-year-old girl.
    ghost44: You think I’m forty? How mature of me! Actually, I’m a six-year-old whiz kid in India and I’m writing you during recess to improve my English.
    johnnyrotten: Now I’m disturbed.
    ghost44: The point is, it doesn’t matter what my name is. Image, popularity, dress size — all of that is completely irrelevant, because here we’re just words. Sure I could lie to you and pretend to be someone else, but why bother? If I’m free to be anyone, then I’m free to be myself. My true self. That’s what I mean by honest.
    johnnyrotten: So what do you mean by “true self”?
    ghost44: Mmmm . . . don’t know yet, but I’d like to find out. I’ll make you a deal. A ghost pact.
    johnnyrotten: Go on.
    ghost44: I’ll promise to be as soul-strippingly, mind-shatteringly honest as I can be, if you’ll do the same.
    johnnyrotten: