Free The Midnight Tour by Richard Laymon

behaves, nobody touches the exhibits. Common sense stuff. It’s mostly a security and public relations job.”
    “What if there is trouble?”
    “It’s usually nothing more than kids acting up. Just tell them politely but firmly to behave themselves—same as you’d do if they were screwing around when you were on duty at the pool. But you’ll have a walkie-talkie on your belt if anything serious happens. The rest of us’ll drop everything and come running.”
    “What sort of serious stuff might I expect ? ”
    “Shootouts.”
    “What?”
    Tuck laughed. “Naw. But any time you’ve got large numbers of people, things’ll go wrong. A fight might break out. It’s rare, but it happens. More often, we’ll have somebody get indignant or outraged about the exhibits. I guess they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. They might need to be calmed down or escorted out. Also, we’ve had people sort of flip out once in a while.”
    “Oh, great.”
    “We call them flippers.”
    “Cute.”
    “I guess they’re having what you might call panic attacks. It’s an old place and smells a little musty. The hallways are sort of long and narrow. The exhibits are gory. The people are listening to some creepy, nasty stuff on their earphones. It apparently just overwhelms some of them, especially on a busy day when there might be some conjestion in the rooms and hallways. You’ll have flippers, fainters and barfers every so often.”
    “It’s sounding more fun all the time.”
    “Not as much fun as the heart attacks.”
    “You get heart attacks?”
    “I don’t, they do. Not often, though.”
    “God almighty.”
    “Where’s the sweat, lifeguard?”
    “I never thought I’d have to be giving CPR in a tourist attraction.”
    “Think of Beast House as a big, dry swimming pool. Mostly, people just have fun. But we do have our emergencies from time to time. The trick is, get to the problem people before they go over the edge. They’re easy to spot. Pale, sweaty faces, glassy eyes. Or instead of pale, they might be really flushed. Heavy breathing—that could mean trouble, too. When you spot somebody like that, lead him outside. They’re usually fine as soon as they get into the fresh air. But don’t be afraid to use the walkie-talkie. I’ll be on the other end. If the problem is more than we can handle, I’ll call for an ambulance or the cops or whatever we might need. They usually get here fast.”
    Dana nodded.
    “When there aren’t problems,” Tuck went on, “things can be a little dull for the floor monitors. The visitors will be getting the tour information through their headsets, so you don’t have any sort of spiel. You’ll just need to field questions.”
    “Like ‘where’s the bathroom?’”
    “That’s the most frequently asked question. You remember where they are?”
    “Out behind the house in the snack shop area. Can’t miss them.”
    “Excellent!”
    “You ain’t dealing with a chimp.”
    “Perhaps a moose...”
    “Hey hey hey. Good thing I’m not sensitive about my size.”
    “Hell, you love your size.”
    “Allows me to intimidate shrimps like you.”
    “Can’t touch me, I’m the boss. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be fine answering questions. Big, smart college girl like you.”
    “That’s me.”
    “You read both the books...”
    “ Studied them.”
    “So you shouldn’t have any trouble answering questions about the beast, and so forth. They will ask questions. If you don’t know the answer to something, tell the person to see me. I’m the resident expert. If I don’t know it, it ain’t known.” She grinned.
    “ And you’re modest.”
    “I’m all things wonderful. Any questions?”
    “About your wonderfulness, or...?”
    “Oh, the job.”
    “I guess I’ll have plenty as things come up, but...”
    “Hey, I’d better warn you about something before I forget. As guides, our official position on the beast’s weenie is that we can’t discuss