Free Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 1 by Samuel Richardson

boast of his progress with me. He has not the sense to say any thing to the purpose. His courtship indeed is to them; and my brother pretends to court me as his proxy, truly!--I utterly, to my brother, reject his address; but thinking a person, so well received and recommended by all my family, entitled to good manners, all I say against him is affectedly attributed to coyness: and he, not being sensible of his own imperfections, believes that my avoiding him when I can, and the reserves I express, are owing to nothing else: for, as I said, all his courtship is to them; and I have no opportunity of saying no, to one who asks me not the question. And so, with an air of mannish superiority, he seems rather to pity the bashful girl, than to apprehend that he shall not succeed.
FEBRUARY 25.
    I have had the expected conference with my aunt.
    I have been obliged to hear the man's proposals from her; and have been told also what their motives are for espousing his interest with so much warmth. I am even loth to mention how equally unjust it is for him to make such offers, or for those I am bound to reverence to accept of them. I hate him more than before. One great estate is already obtained at the expense of the relations to it, though distant relations; my brother's, I mean, by his godmother: and this has given the hope, however chimerical that hope, of procuring others; and that my own at least may revert to the family. And yet, in my opinion, the world is but one great family. Originally it was so. What then is this narrow selfishness that reigns in us, but relationship remembered against relationship forgot?
    But here, upon my absolute refusal of him upon any terms, have I had a signification made me that wounds me to the heart. How can I tell it you? Yet I must. It is, my dear, that I must not for a month to come, or till license obtained, correspond with any body out of the house.
    My brother, upon my aunt's report, (made, however, as I am informed, in the gentlest manner, and even giving remote hopes, which she had no commission from me to give,) brought me, in authoritative terms, the prohibition.
    Not to Miss Howe? said I.
    No, not to Miss Howe, Madam, tauntingly: for have you not acknowledged, that Lovelace is a favourite there?
    See, my dear Miss Howe!--
    And do you think, Brother, this is the way--
    Do you look to that.--But your letters will be stopt, I can tell you.-
-And away he flung.
    My sister came to me soon after--Sister Clary, you are going on in a fine way, I understand. But as there are people who are supposed to harden you against your duty, I am to tell you, that it will be taken well if you avoid visits or visitings for a week or two till further order.
    Can this be from those who have authority--
    Ask them; ask them, child, with a twirl of her finger.--I have delivered my message. Your father will be obeyed. He is willing to hope you to be all obedience, and would prevent all incitements to refractoriness.
    I know my duty, said I; and hope I shall not find impossible condition
annexed to it.
    A pert young creature, vain and conceited, she called me. I was the only judge, in my own wise opinion, of what was right and fit. She, for her part, had long seen into my specious ways: and now I should shew every body what I was at bottom.
    Dear Bella! said I, hands and eyes lifted up--why all this?--Dear,
dear Bella, why--
    None of your dear, dear Bella's to me.--I tell you, I see through your witchcrafts [that was her strange word]. And away she flung; adding, as she went, and so will every body else very quickly, I dare say.
    Bless me, said I to myself, what a sister have I!--How have I deserved
this?
    Then I again regretted my grandfather's too distinguishing goodness to
me.
FEB. 25, IN THE EVENING.
    What my brother and sister have said against me I cannot tell:--but I am in heavy disgrace with my father.
    I was sent for down to tea. I went with a very cheerful aspect: but had occasion soon to change