Free Lords of Salem by Rob Zombie Page B

interns? Go work for a Latino station. They’ve got all the pesos.”
    If the boss wanted a fight, Herman would give it to him. “Exactly,” he said. “So you can sympathize with my quandary. No interns to do interns’ work. It is quite perplexing.”
    “Ladies, please,” said Heidi, rolling her eyes.
    Chip turned on her. “And that’s another piece of business I want to discuss. Please stop referring to everyone as girls or ladies. People are starting to get the wrong idea.”
    Heidi plastered a look of mock concern and innocence on her face. “Wait, what people? What idea?”
    “That we are all…” Chip stopped, perplexed at how to continue. “Fancy…,” he said, and then shook his head. “No, just drop it.”
    “Fancy?” said Heidi, her eyes wide. Herman couldn’t help but grin. Chip should have seen it coming, he thought. But even when Chip saw it right there on the sidewalk, he couldn’t help but step right smack in it. Had to almost feel sorry for the guy. Heidi looked left and right and then came a step closer to Chip, her hand cupped to her mouth. She said in a stage whisper, “You mean homosexual?”
    “I…,” said Chip. “Look,” he said. “Let’s just drop it. It’s just confusing, is all.”
    “You feel a little confused, do you?” said Heidi. “Having thoughts and feelings that you’re not quite sure your pastor would approve of?”
    “I, no,” said Chip, beginning to blush. “I’m not…”
    “It’s okay, Chip,” she said, patting his cheek. “We’ll still love you whether you’re in the closet or out of it.”
    Okay, thought Herman, good enough. She’d started out teasing and fun, but it was turning a little mean. If she kept it up, Chip wouldn’t know if he was coming or going. And then he wouldn’t be much help with the show. “Hey,” he said, breaking in. “What’s with the Groovy Ghoulies in the lobby?”
    Chip turned toward him, relieved to have something else to discuss. He smiled, tried his best to be hip. “Those strapping young vampires are your first guests,” he said.
    Herman smiled. He began to dance, a bumbling off-kilter soft-shoe, and then to sing in a deep, off-key voice: “The freaks come out at night, the freaks, the freaks, here they come.”
    “Be nice,” said Heidi.
    Be nice? he thought. Girl, you probably should take your own advice. But Chip seemed already to have forgotten about his ribbing and was going back to business as usual, watching Whitey out of one corner of his eye, waiting for him to misfile another CD.

Chapter Fourteen
    At first something seemed to be wrong with the video. When they started it, the monitor stayed black and there was no music to be heard.
    “There seems to be a problem,” Heidi said, and reached out to restart the DVD. “Technical difficulties,” she said into the mike. “Nothing we can’t handle. Banter, guys.”
    “Um, did you guys give us some sort of foreign-coded DVD? PAL or whatever?” asked Whitey.
    “There is no problem,” said Count Gorgann, in a falsely deep voice and with a heavy Norwegian accent.
    “But I’m not seeing anything but darkness,” said Heidi. “And there’s no music.”
    “Yes,” said Count Gorgann. “This is it exactly. Darkness. And silence.”
    “So let me get this straight, man,” said Herman. “You recorded darkness and silence. Kind of like John Cage.”
    “Who is this caged man named John?” asked Count Gorgann.
    “Yes,” said Dr. Butcher. He had a similar accent, slightly less thick. “Exactly like John Cage, if John Cage was a worshipper of Satan.”
    “Okayyy,” said Herman. “Whitey? Anything to add? Or should we sit here watching darkness and listening to silence?”
    “I got nothing,” said Whitey.
    “Heidi? What you got for me?”
    “You want me to start this thing up again or not?” asked Heidi.
    “It is the darkness and silence of the infernal regions,” said Count Gorgann, matter-of-factly.
    “Is it now?” said Herman.