Free The Whole Business with Kiffo and the Pitbull by Barry Jonsberg

didn’t you, Calma?
    Calma : No. Yes. No. Well, I did, but I didn’t mean it.
    Mrs Mills : And you followed her to her house, didn’t you? Calma : No, I didn’t follow her. I just knew where she lived, that’s all.
    Mrs Mills : Do you make it a habit to know where your teachers live?
    Calma : No.
    Mrs Mills : Do you know where any of your other teachers live, Calma?
    Calma : No.
    Mrs Mills : Miss Payne said that you were behaving strangely when you came to her house. That you were talking in a disjointed fashion, quite out of character with your normal level of sophistication. That you were nervous. Would you say that was an accurate description?
    Calma : I suppose. But I know what you’re thinking. I was nervous, but not because I am madly in love with her. I was nervous because . . .
    Mrs Mills : Yes?
    Calma : Nothing.
    Mrs Mills : So you were nervous, breathing heavily, and then you told her that you loved her. Is that right?
    Calma : YES! But I didn’t tell her I loved her because I love her! I hate her!
    Mrs Mills : It’s often said that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, Calma, that there is very little difference between them. What do you say to that?
    Calma : Yes, I’ve heard that, Mrs Mills, and I’d say that it is the single biggest heap of crap ever. It’s like saying that there is no difference between heaven and hell, or light and dark, or youth and age, or fish and kangaroos. These things are opposites, Mrs Mills . . . well, fish and kangaroos are not exactly opposites, but you know what I mean. Saying that opposite things are really the same is just lazy. And wrong. A philosophy that only the feeble-minded could accept. When I said that I don’t love Miss Payne, I meant that I don’t love her. When I said that I hated her, I meant that too. No confusion, no possibility of misinterpretation. I hate her!
    Mrs Mills : Do you not think that you might be in denial, Calma?
    Calma : Yes, I am in denial. I deny that I love her.
    Mrs Mills : So you admit that you’re in denial. That’s a start, Calma. A very promising start. We haven’t time right now to continue this discussion. Under normal circumstances we would remove you from Miss Payne’s class immediately, for reasons that you will probably understand. Don’t panic. I’m not going to do that. Mainly because we are so understaffed at the moment that there actually isn’t another class I could put you into . . .
    Calma : Please put me into another class, Mrs Mills!
    Mrs Mills : I know that you are worried but you’ll just have to be strong, Calma. You have to understand that what you are going through is a very common experience for girls of your age. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it doesn’t mean that you are abnormal or anything. Now, back to class with you. We’ll probably have a little chat once or twice a week, just to make sure everything is under control, if you know what I mean. You can tell me anything, Calma. Anything at all. And it goes without saying that anything that is said within this room remains entirely confidential. Just between us and these four walls. When you let yourself out, dear, could you tell Rachael Smith to step right on in?
    Calma : Yes, Mrs Mills.
    T HREE Time: 9.45 a.m., Monday
    Location: Science classroom
    â€˜Rachael Smith says you’re gay, Calma. She says you’ve got the hots for Miss Payne.’
    â€˜Rachael Smith is a lying pig!’
    â€˜Calma’s got the hots for the Pitbull, Calma’s got the hots for the Pitbull . . .’

Chapter 8
A reflection upon circumstances,
after mature consideration
    Bugger.

Chapter 9
The cutting edge of
educational practice
    If you want to know the truth, there is one thing that really drives me insane. Diaries. I hate them. Now, just before you start to think, ‘Hang on, has this person only got one oar in the water or what?’ I should explain that I