Free Incarnate by Claire Kent Page B

Seth. “Mom told me there were other reasons why you…you act the way you do with us.”
    “There are.” Seth was watching the two of them quietly. They were cuddled together on the bed while Seth was sitting by himself on the chaise.
    He looked lonely. All alone. Like he had that horrible morning ten years ago before Erin had taken the girls away and went to her father’s, needing a break for their marriage.
    “Can you tell the other reasons?” Anna’s question was almost a plea.
    Erin could barely breathe over the ache in her throat. She tried to catch Seth’s eye but he was staring at the floor. She wanted so much for him to tell Anna the truth—even knowing how impossibly hard it would be for him to do.
    Seth loved his children more than anything. But there were some ways he still couldn’t make himself vulnerable—even with his daughters.
    Anna twisted her hands together nervously. “I know that Mac is more like you. I guess I always thought that was the reason.”
    Her tentative comment seemed to help push Seth into speaking. “It is. But not in the way you think.” His eyes focused on Anna’s face, darted over to Erin’s, then shifted back to Anna’s. “I don’t love her more because she’s like me.”
    Anna’s body stiffened, as if in expectation. Erin wasn’t even breathing.
    Seth took a shaky breath and started to explain—in such a composed tone that no one else would know how torn up he was. “You know I didn’t have a good childhood. I didn’t feel loved by anyone for most of my life. So I didn’t love myself.”
    Erin wanted to cry. She loved Seth so much, and she’d never in her life been so proud of him.
    Seth ran a hand through his hair, but didn’t look away from Anna’s eyes. “That kind of thinking is hard to get over.”
    “But…” Anna gasped, “but we love you! Me and Mom and Mac.”
    “I know, and that means everything. But I can’t always believe I deserve it. It’s better now—so much better than it used to be. But those patterns of thinking don’t just disappear.” Seth cleared his throat. “I’m telling you this because it’s why I’ve always worked so hard to make sure Mackenzie feels loved. She’s like me, and I never want her to feel unloved the way I did. I love her , even though I didn’t used to love myself.”
    Seth’s eyes were steady and his mouth was relaxed. But a sheen of sweat had broken out on his temples, and his hands were fisted at his sides. He was vulnerable. He’d just opened himself up completely to his fourteen-year-old daughter.
    Erin prayed Anna was mature enough to understand what it meant, and to value Seth’s gesture as much as it deserved.
    “Oh.”
    “I’m so sorry, Anna,” Seth continued. “I’m so sorry that I made you believe something that isn’t true. I don’t love Mackenzie any more than I love you. You’re so much like your mother, and I couldn’t imagine anyone in the world wouldn’t love you. But assuming you knew how I felt wasn’t fair to you. I was wrong, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”
    Erin wasn’t going to be able to take anymore. She was dying to go over to Seth and take him in her arms. If Anna didn’t say something soon, she would have to go to Seth—if only so he wouldn’t be sitting all alone like he was.
    Then Anna made a choked noise in her throat. She pulled out of Erin’s arm and got up, pushing down the legs of her pajama pants which had been riding up on her calves. She took a few slow steps toward Seth until she was standing in front of him.
    They just looked at each other for a minute.
    Then Anna sat down on the chaise beside him, knees together, spine straight—just like Seth was sitting.
    “Thank you for telling me that,” she whispered.
    “You’re welcome.”
    Anna looked up at Seth and her mouth twitched irrepressibly. She was as emotional as Erin, but she’d also gotten both of her parents’ strong sense of irony. “You can hug me now, if you want.”
    Seth