Free Stink and the World's Worst Super-Stinky Sneakers by Megan McDonald

 
    Gross me out!
    Stink-o!
       Skunksville!
    Stink Moody was in love. In love with school, that is. It was the best day ever of second grade, the best day ever for Class 2D, and maybe possibly the best day ever in the whole world and his entire life so far.
    Mrs. D. was taking Stink Moody and his class on a field trip. A
smell
trip. To the smelliest place on earth!
    Class 2D was going on a special trip to the Gross-Me-Out exhibit at the science museum. And Stink had a fifth sense that it was going to be the smelliest field trip ever.
    Stink carpooled with his two best not-smelly friends, Webster and Sophie of the Elves (a.k.a. Elizabeth, but nobody was allowed to call her that).
    “Hey, guys. Did you know one human being person can smell about ten thousand smells? Also, smelling peppermint makes you smarter.”
    “No way, no how,” said Webster.
    “I love peppermint ice cream!” said Sophie. “So I guess that makes me smart.”

       “How do you know so much about smelly stuff, anyway?” asked Webster.
    “His name’s STINK, isn’t it?” said Sophie.
    “No, c’mon. For real,” said Webster.
    “Don’t forget I read the whole entire
S
encyclopedia. Books do not lie. Especially the encyclopedia.”
    Class 2D followed their teacher into the museum. Stink ducked as he stepped through a pair of ugly red lips and giant chomping teeth at the entrance to the wonderful world of smelly stuff.
    Slimy! Oozy! Stinky! Gooey! There were beeps and toots and blinking lights in every direction. Where to start? The Vomit Machine? Musical Farts? The Burp-O-Meter?
    Stink could not decide. “I think there’s a giant nose here somewhere,” he told his friends. “I saw the picture in the paper.”

       “Count me out,” said Webster. “Where there’s a giant nose, there could be — ”
    “Giant BOOGERS!” said Sophie and Webster at the same time, shivering at the thought.
    “Well, I’m going to check out the giant nose
first,
” said Stink.
    “Not me,” said Webster.
    “Not me,” said Sophie.
    “Okay,
smell
you around!” Stink said, cracking himself up.





 
    Stink took an up-close-and-personal tour of the giant nose. He got attacked by giant nose hairs, peered down a big ugly bumpy throat, and skipped through the Hall of Mucus. He even learned how boogers are made — not pretty!
    “Having fun?” Mrs. D. asked him.
    “Are you kidding? This is more fun than earwax!” Stink told Mrs. D. “And educational, too,” he added. Grown-ups loved the
e
word. They liked to think you were learning stuff no matter what.
    Mrs. D. smiled. “Stink, you seem to be interested in the sense of smell. Maybe you’d like to try the Everybody Stinks exhibit? Nobody else seems to want to go near it.”
    Mrs. D. pinched her nose and shook her head.
    “How smelly can it be?” Stink said bravely. Mrs. D. pointed to the far end of the exhibit. Stink strolled over and read the instructions.
    “Match the body odor with the body parts they come from,” Stink read aloud. Before Stink knew it, the whole class had gathered around.
    Webster announced to the class, “Hey, everybody! Stink’s going to smell B.O.!” Stink wasn’t so sure he wanted to smell B.O. But he hated to let Webster and everybody down. So Stink mustered up all his courage, leaned over, put his nose right up to the bottle, and squeezed.
    He took one sniff, then scrunched up his face, clutched his chest, and crumpled to the floor.
    “Uhh!” everybody gasped, taking in what sounded like one big breath.

       “Ha, ha, ha! Gotcha!” Stink cried, jumping back up.
    “What did it smell like?” Sophie asked.
    “Feet!” said Stink. “It’s not that bad. Just smells like dirty socks when your feet sweat and you take your shoes off.”
    “Sounds bad to me,” said Webster.
    Stink squeezed the next bottle. “Uck. This one smells like onion. Maybe garlic. Phew! Bad breath,” Stink said, waving his hand in front of his face. “P.U. This one smells