Free Slate (Breaking the Declan Brothers #2) by Kelly Gendron

hand on the doorframe. “Some boys will keep it, some will break it, and some boys, they just won’t want it. You gotta be careful who you give your heart to.”
    “It was just the movies!”
    “That’s how it all starts.” He chuckles, dropping his arm from the door and resting it on my shoulders. “Come on, monkey.” He leans in, and normally I wouldn’t think twice about how close he is to me, but since we kissed, something feels different. “Grams is making your favorite, chicken pie.”
     

CHAPTER TEN

    I’m not sure what happened last night after I slipped that LSD under my tongue. I’d taken half of it a few months earlier, and I had a real bad trip. Junkies don’t know how to throw out drugs, so I hid it in the cupboard in case I ever needed it. Last night, I needed it, and again, it fucked me up. I vaguely remembered being in the shower, I dreamed about Joey, and I woke up with Rayna on top of me. She had one arm resting on my stomach and a long slender leg draped across my scarred thigh with her long dark hair fanned out on my chest. It brought me back to the days when we were together. I loved the feel of her soft skin against mine. I loved the way she smiled. The way she called me her Superman, and the way her eyes lit up when I called her my little monkey. She was a monkey, swinging fearlessly from one branch to the next. Nothing kept the girl stagnant; she moved with beautiful grace, courageously grasping onto any and everything that she wanted.
    She’s the same, but I’ve changed. I’m no longer her Superman and sweet kisses don’t cut it for me anymore. And while I laid there in nothing but a pair of boxers with a screaming hard-on, all I wanted was to roll over, spread her shapely legs, and sink my cock deep inside her. I loved the girl in her but all I want to do is fuck the woman she has grown into hard. And right before I leave this den, I will. But I’m smart enough to know that I can’t do it now, and then spend the next two days with her. But the longer I do stay down here, the greater chance I have of finding that girl I did love and falling for her all over again. Rayna deserves better than that. She deserves better than me. So, I thought it best to get out of the bed before my dick took over.
    During breakfast, she asked how I was doing. I can only imagine what went down last night. Being high on LSD and going through withdrawals is one dangerous cocktail. The last time I tried to get clean, I turned over a desk in my counselor’s office. The time before that, I put a chair through the window at the rehab facility. They had to ship me off to the hospital, where they tied me down and sedated me.
    I don’t think that I got physical last night, but the way Rayna’s looking at me with those sympathetic eyes, I got a sick feeling that something fucked-up transpired. I hope that I didn’t hurt her. I could have gotten rough, grabbed her too hard. It scares me how fucked-up I am. I actually checked her arms and face earlier this morning for any marks. I also could have said something horrible and hurt her feelings. I shouldn’t care because she put me in this vulnerable situation. My vulnerability. It’s mine, and I own it. Still, I’m the only person who should get hurt by it.
    Whatever happened, the aggression isn’t gone. I feel it brewing, and I’m trying like hell to keep it under control. If the door to the gym were open, then I could go in there to get rid of some of this shit. I tried to occupy myself by making her breakfast and cleaning up afterward. Now, sitting on the sofa with the TV on, my aggression is getting worse. It wants to come out. I get up and start to the pace the room.
    Rayna looks my way, her piercing green eyes following me. “What’s wrong?”
    I rub my palm back and forth over my head. “I can’t just sit here.”
    “Got any cards? We could play rummy or something.”
    I stop and look at her. Does she really think that’ll help? “I need to get