Free Getting Old Is Criminal by Rita Lakin

I race past him and slam the door behind me.

    TWELVE
    R AIN AND PAIN
    Ihurry back to Phase Two. I walk fast and I talk out loud to myself. I feel crazed. What did I do?
    I’ve lost Jack again. What’s wrong with me?
    What’s wrong with him? What was so terrible if I didn’t want to run away with him and elope that very second? Wet, sloppy tears run down my face.
    Huge wet tears. Then I realize it’s raining. That’s rain pouring down my face. Big sloppy tears of rain. The rain is crying with me. It’s a typical Florida instant downpour. It feels like tons of water drowning me. Drowning me and my sorrow.
    Why did I think I could ever find love again? It’s too hard. It’s too much . . . what? Pressure? Is that what I feel? Why can’t Jack understand how much my girls mean to me? How much we’ve all needed one another and helped one another through the G e t t i n g O l d I s C r i m i n a l • 8 5
    years? I just can’t abandon them. He acts as if it’s so simple. Let’s just run off. But life is more complex than that.
    A few people run past me hurrying for shelter. I don’t want shelter. I want to drown standing up. I want to keep running in this downpour forever.
    “That’s it!” I scream to the skies. “I’ve had it!
    How dare he tell me I’m not ready? How dare he make me move to his time clock? And what about all those beautiful words he said to me that first night in the Greek restaurant? It doesn’t matter how much time we have left. A year. A month. As long as we’re together. What happened to those sentiments? He’s dumped me again!”
    Someone passes me, looks at this crazy, drenched woman screaming to the skies. She pauses. Thinks maybe I need help, and then another cloud bursts and she runs to the nearest sheltered area.
    “That’s it, Jack Langford. Forget it. I’m done.
    Not one more tear will I shed for you. Not one more thought will I give this stupid relationship.
    I’m through! I’m going to get on with my life. I was fine before I met you, Jack Langford, and I’ll do very well without you, again!”
    *
    *
    *
    The first thing I hear when I reach our club room is Tessie saying, “Let’s kill all the doctors.”
    Ida says, “That’s supposed to be lawyers.”

    8 6 • R i t a L a k i n
    “Them, too.” Tessie sees me before the others do. “Look what the cat dragged in!”
    I am totally soaked and my teeth are chattering.
    The room is filled with women now staring at me. They are seated in a huge circle, sewing. Then I realize, it’s the monthly Hadassah meeting.
    Lola jumps right on me. “You’re too dumb to come in out of the rain?” She takes after her husband, Hy, quick with the unkind cuts.

I see my girls and instantly realize that Bella, Ida, and Sophie are sitting next to one another as usual, and Evvie is seated as far away from them as possible. I guess the feud is still going strong.
    Evvie jumps up and runs over to me. She takes her sweater and wraps it around me.
    “Florence Nightingale, she thinks she is,” says Sophie snidely. Evvie shoots her a dirty look. The girls won’t be quick to forgive Evvie for grabbing the plum role of being my partner when and if we go to Wilmington House. More aggravation. Just what I need.
    Ida yells, “Someone turn the air down or she’ll get pneumonia.” Nobody moves quickly enough, so she turns the thermostat up herself.
    I am still shaking. But I don’t know if it’s from the rain or shock or just plain rage. I try to calm myself. Sophie hurries over and offers me some hot tea. She avoids looking at Evvie.
    “We got caught in the rain, too,” Irving says.
    He’s with Millie in her wheelchair, seated near the door. Of course, Yolie is there with them, holding G e t t i n g O l d I s C r i m i n a l • 8 7
    Millie’s hand. All three look bedraggled. Irving waves to me.
    “Come see how we’re doing,” Mary suggests, holding up the square she’s working on. Their Hadassah chapter’s good works project is