Free Boy Meets Nerd by Leia Shaw Page B

interesting, if she had a sex life.
    The Twelve Sexiest Animals on the Planet.
    “Whaaaa?” Jess actually
    bought this drivel? She popped a piece of chicken in her mouth and read the title of the last article.
    Ten Ways to Make the Most of Your Breasts During Sex.
    She snorted. “What if you don’t have any?”
    Out of curiosity, she flipped to the corresponding page.
    Tip #1: Shove them in his face and shake them as much as possible. Men are hunters so they’re drawn to the movement.
    She choked on a piece of chicken and coughed for several minutes. When she recovered, she scanned it again to double-check she’d read it right the first time.
    Holy mother. Was this a prank? A spoof
    of
    society’s
    ludicrous
    obsession with sex? After another bite of chicken, she read on.
    Tip #2: Attach rhinestones to your breasts to give them extra pizzazz. The more sparkly the better!

    Yeah then shake them in his face and give him a seizure. Good advice. Then for a real bonding experience, he could bandage the wounds left from the glue.
    Tip #3: Appeal to your
    caveman by putting duct tape across each nipple in an X shape. X marks the spot!
    She snorted. Then use the rhinestone glue to reattach your nipples after you take the tape off.
    Tip #4: Touch the tip of your nipple to the tip of his penis like a sexy hello!
    That made her laugh out
    loud. Some people greeted each other with a handshake, but okay.
    Tip #5: The use of pasties helps fulfill his fantasy of sleeping with a stripper. Do a little strip tease to complete the illusion!
    At that, she slammed the magazine shut. Ridiculous. She couldn’t believe this shit was selling.
    Didn’t
    women
    have
    aspirations higher than pleasing their men in bed? She looked down at her chest. The tips were stupid but it did make her wonder if her assets
    were
    disappointing.
    Masochism wasn’t her thing so she had no intentions of decorating them, and she liked her nipples intact thank you.
    Coquette needed a follow-up article for flat-chested women. If you Can’t Use your Breasts in the Bedroom, Try Tempting Him with your Personality Instead.
    Without the magazine to
    entertain her, she stared at the wall and contemplated what a real dating article for people with half a brain would look like while finishing her meal.. The door to the apartment opened then shut. She turned to face the entryway.
    Jess walked in. “Hey.” She looked at the empty Chinese food container and frowned. “You got Chinese without me?”
    “No. Levi ordered it last night then put the leftovers in the fridge.” She chuckled. “I think he was worried I’d die overnight from starvation.” Silly man. Still, she couldn’t stop a smile.
    Her roommate was quiet
    behind her. Em rose to throw the empty container away. As she passed Jess, still standing in the entryway, she caught an expression that
    worried
    her. Amusement
    sparkled in her eyes then a slow grin appeared.
    “Oh. My. God.”
    “What?” She didn’t like this already.
    “He likes you!”
    “No.”
    Immediately,
    she
    pushed the idea away. They were friends, barely. He had a girlfriend he was completely over the moon for. “I’m doing a job for him and he wants me to finish, that’s all.” Jess inhaled a deep breath, her smile growing manic.

    “Don’t
    squee,
    Jessica
    Brown.” She started backing away.
    “Do not squee.”
    Somehow she managed to
    hold it in. “But he likes you! It’s soooo obvious. He’s taking care of you. That is so sweet! And it’s about time someone did.” She hung her purse on the hook next to the door and walked to the living room.
    “I already told you. He’s in love with someone else.”
    She plopped onto the couch and
    grabbed
    the Coquette
    magazine. “We can take care of that little problem.”
    Emerson followed her into the living room. “Why do I feel like you’re about to lay out a plan that includes a roofie and rope?” She laughed. “That’s one
    way to do it. But I meant you could woo