Free The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man by Brett Mckay, Kate Mckay Page A

household chores to spend time with his boys. So let’s be clear here: Your wife and her needs should always come first. At the same time, if you and she have spent ample time together, then guys’ night out is quite appropriate. Encourage her to have a girls’ night out as well. The quality of your relationship will improve as a result of having healthy friendships.
    Staying in Touch with Your Buds
    Any relationship, including the man friendship, needs communication to survive. Most guys aren’t keen on having heart-to-hearts. Spending regular time together, even without much talking can be enough. But if you move to different locales, you’ll have to make an effort to stay in touch. Guys generally don’t enjoy talking on the phone, and we usually aren’t big e-mail writers either. But there is a long-standing, centuries-old tradition that has kept man friends connected over whole lifetimes: letter writing.
    Snail mail may have fallen out of favor with most of society, but it’s key in maintaining healthy friendships. Sure e-mail is easy, but it’s also easily ignored. We let it sit there and in a few days it has disappeared to another page and out of our brains. Letter writing is something altogether different: Real and tangible, it leaves your hands and physically plants itself in the life of your friend. There it is, a part of you, sitting on their kitchen counter. People can’t throw stuff like that away. A letter practically requires an answer. Commit to writing your friend once a month; it will keep alive your bond no matter where life takes the both of you.
    Learn the Secret Handshake: Join a Fraternal Lodge
     
    You see their emblems next to the “Welcome to Anytown, USA” sign when you drive into any locale in America. You can recognize them by a lapel pin they might wear or a bumper sticker they have on their car. And without them driving around in go-carts and three-wheelers, Fourth of July parades as we know them today would cease to exist.
    They are the thousands of men who belong to fraternal lodges.
    While fraternal lodges like the Freemasons and Oddfellows are often the butt of jokes or fodder for conspiracy theories, fraternal lodges played an important part in the history of male socialization in America. Becoming a member of a fraternal lodge was once a common rite of passage for American men. It was a way for a man to make new friends, network with others and find meaning in their lives. Your grandpa probably belonged or still belongs to one. Sadly this once vibrant and manly tradition has been on the decline for several decades. But the fraternal lodge is due for a revival.
    The History of Fraternal Lodges
    “Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of which all mankind are agreed.”
    —Cicero
    During the nineteenth century, the number of different fraternal lodges as well as membership in lodges exploded in America. The home, transformed by the period’s so-called “cult of domesticity,” had become an effeminate, doily-laden foo-foo abode, and men from all walks of life flocked to lodges as bastions of unfettered manliness. The lodge was a man hangout, where men could socialize, play pool, throw back a few and vigorously discuss the pressing issues of the day.
    Membership in fraternal lodges continued to grow through the early part of the twentieth century, peaked during the 1930s but then quickly began to decline. Men began to find the elaborate rituals of fraternal lodges off-putting, found new sources of entertainment in radio, television and movies, and looked to organized sports and the emerging corporate culture for social opportunities. Additionally, increasing pressure and desire for men to spend more time with their families forced many men to give up lodge life.
    Today many fraternal lodges are on the verge of extinction. Their ranks are getting older, and young men have very little interest in replacing them. It wouldn’t be surprising if in a few