Free Southern Fried by Rob Rosen

was pretty close to perfect, so I’m
    not complaining. Perfect as we nestled next to each other. Perfect
    southeRn FRied 49
    as we showered together. Perfect on up until we got dressed
    together. Then it went right on down hill as he snuck away,
    tiptoeing out of sight. Though, of course, not out of mind. No
    sir, no how. I laughed, staring up at the ceiling. “What would you
    have thought, Granny? Me sleeping with the help. Not a very
    Jackson-like thing to do, huh?”
    I laughed again as I headed down the stairs, the smell of
    Pearl’s breakfast making my tummy rumble. “Morning,” I said,
    pulling out a chair before sitting down to the table. “What are
    we having?”
    She turned and smiled. “Grits with cheese and bacon.” She
    turned back around, swirling the mixing bowl. “And there ain’t
    nothing like my grits, Trip.”
    I fought back the urge to laugh again. “Well now, I can think
    of one thing,” I whispered.
    Thankfully, she didn’t hear me. And, truth be told, her grits
    were something spectacular. But Zeb’s ass, man, that was just
    downright heavenly. Not that I felt like sharing that tidbit of
    information at that very moment; just thought you’d like to know.
    Anyway, like I mentioned, down hill we were about to go.
    Pearl sat across from me and served us both two heaping
    spoonfuls apiece. She waited just long enough for me to enjoy it,
    then informed, “Lawyer’s gonna be here in an hour, sugar. I done
    already spread the word. Staff ’ll be around shortly.”
    I dropped the spoon in my bowl. “And Beau Pellingham?”
    She shrugged. “Don’t know, Trip. He ain’t staff. So that’s his
    problem, not mine.”
    Only, it wasn’t as easy as all that. The problem would remain
    there, whether he showed up or not. I mean, I still didn’t even
    know what was coming to me even. Or any of them, for that
    matter. I gazed outside the kitchen window, spotting a possum
    as it ran behind a tree. I grinned and stared up at the ceiling. You
    wouldn’t have, would you?
    Full as a tick on a cow’s ass, as Granny would say, I excused
    50 Rob Rosen
    myself and went upstairs to get dressed and to try and collect
    myself. In less than an hour, my life, I was certain, would change
    drastically. For all I knew, it would never be the same again. For
    any of us. And, yes, I was scared. But, truth be told, also excited.
    If it was time for my life to get all shook up, it might as well be a
    ten on the Richter Scale.
    And so, as planned, we all found ourselves in the library. Me,
    Pearl, Jeeves, Betty, Zeb, Jake, Roy, and Stella. I still had yet to
    meet the last three, and so I quickly did just that. Jake, as it turned
    out, was dreamier in person than from a second story window.
    Picture Charlton Heston, not so much Moses, but more like when
    he was leather-clad in Planet of the Apes , and you wouldn’t be far
    off the mark. And damn if Roy didn’t come in a close second. A
    lithe little stunner he was. Guess being a gardener on an estate the
    size of Cleveland kept him fit and trim. And tan. Did I mention
    stunning? It bears repeating. Still, with Zeb so close by, I kept it
    professional, only drooling ever so slightly before quickly wiping
    it away. Last but not least was Stella, whose grip nearly crushed
    my hand. I winced, but managed to stay upright.
    When the introductions were finished, I looked around
    expectantly. The stranger from the funeral, who I still assumed
    was Beau Pellingham, was nowhere in sight. I breathed a sigh of
    relief, however misguided. After all, I’d had enough of his scenes
    to last me for quite some time; I couldn’t imagine what or who
    he would’ve jumped on next if the will wasn’t to his liking. Then
    again, it might’ve been sort of hot to see him wrestling around
    the floor with Jake. Or Roy. Or both. But that’s neither here nor
    there. Mostly here, I know. As in the here and now, which we
    were in, us and the lawyer, who had just made an entrance. Which
    is