Free Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine Page A

always know what he looked like even when I grow up. He could always be with me.
    I wonder if putting a whole face together would help bring me closer to Closure. If it’s split apart into pieces then wouldn’t putting all the pieces together bring Closure? But I’ve never done a whole face before. I don’t want to mess it up. It has to be right.
    I hear Dad turning off Fox Five News and sighing. I remember what Mrs. Brook said about practicing empathy and I go into the living room and look at Dad’s shoes.
    Hi Dad.
    Hi Caitlin.
    I’m not sure what to say next. His shoes don’t give me any clues. Um . . . so how are you?
    Dad looks up from the sofa. Actually I’m dealing with a lot of stuff right now.
    Oh. Are you looking for Closure?
    In a way. Yes.
    Me too. Maybe you can come see Mrs. Brook. She said you could do that sometimes even though mostly she has to see the kids at school.
    Dad nods.
    Maybe you could see someone else too.
    Dad doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even nod.
    Maybe you could find some answers in books.
    Thanks Caitlin. I appreciate it but I’ll figure out a way.
    When?
    I don’t know. I think it’ll take a long long time.
    How are you going to do it?
    I don’t even know where to begin. He stares at the rug.
    Even when the phone rings.
    Phone, I tell him.
    It rings again. Phone.
    And again. PHONE, I say LOUD in case he didn’t hear .
    Please answer it, he says .
    I get a recess feeling in my stomach. I hate answering the phone. I don’t know who it will be or what they will say.
    The phone rings two more times.
    CAITLIN PLEASE!
    I run to the phone and grab it because I hate shouting even worse than the phone. At least you can hang up the phone.
    Hello, says the voice. Hello?
    It sounds like Aunt Jolee.
    Is anyone there?
    Dad and I are here, I say .
    Oh Caitlin! It’s you. Hi!
    I wait for her to talk more.
    Are you still there?
    Yes.
    Oh. I wasn’t sure because you weren’t talking.
    That’s because you were talking and it’s rude to talk when someone else is talking.
    Oh . . . well . . . so . . . what are you up to?
    Talking on the phone. With you.
    Can I speak with your dad?
    I look at the sofa. Dad is still staring at the spot on the rug. He’s dealing with a lot of stuff right now. But he won’t read any books about it or go see Mrs. Brook or any other counselor.
    Dad looks up from the sofa. Who is it?
    Aunt Jolee. I think. Wait. Is this Aunt Jolee?
    Yup! You guessed!
    It’s Aunt Jolee.
    He oofs like all the air goes out of him when he stands up and reaches for the phone.
    I give it to him.
    He leans against the wall. Hi Jo-Jo.
    Jo-Jo is Dad’s name for Aunt Jolee. It’s a nickname. Like Scout. Dad is Aunt Jolee’s big brother. Like Jem. Like Devon. Like Devon WAS. Dad still has Aunt Jolee’s finger-painted handprint from when she was in kindergarten. It’s in a little blue frame on the wall by the TV. It says TO HARE on it because when she was five she wasn’t very smart and couldn’t spell Dad’s name the right way which is Harry.
    Dad shakes his head while he talks to Aunt Jolee. I can’t afford to see a counselor.
    Silence.
    What insurance? I don’t have any insurance.
    Silence.
    Do you know how much it costs to see a counselor?
    Silence.
    Even clinics charge something unless you make no money at all and I’m not quitting my job just so I can see a counselor.
    Silence.
    Yes I’m sure it’d help her but she’s got the counselor at school at least. I don’t know what else to do.
    Silence.
    I know Jo-Jo. Of course you can’t leave them. They’re too young. Dad is nodding . I wish you lived closer too. You’re still my best . . . friend. When he says the word friend a cry comes out of him.
    He slides down the wall and sits on the floor. He drops his head and tries to cover it with the hand that’s not holding the phone but I can see his head shaking along with his hand and the phone. I can hear him sniffing too. Then he takes a deep breath and looks up at Aunt