Free Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine Page B

Jolee’s handprint on the wall and says, Thank you.
    I try not to listen to Dad because I’ve had all the empathy I can take right now. Empathy can make you feel really sad.
    I put my head under the sofa cushion and peek out at Devon’s chest.
    I hear Dad say Thank you again.
    I keep staring at Devon’s chest because it makes me feel like a little bit of him is still here. Even though I know he’ll never be able to teach me how to make a chest. Even though he won’t be able to teach me anything. Even though I’ll never see him again and won’t ever be able to look at him and say, Thank you.
    The more I look at the chest the more I start turning it from a sharp-shaped sheet into something soft. I guess I’m stuffed-animaling even though I don’t mean to. It’s easy when your eyes are already blurry.

CHAPTER 21
    NO MRS. BROOK
    THE REST OF THE CLASS RUNS out of the classroom to go to recess. I get up to go to Mrs. Brook time and I decide to ask her if Dad can come see her since she doesn’t charge insurance. At least she never charges me insurance. And she said she could see him even though he’s a grown-up.
    Mrs. Johnson says, Oh Caitlin. I almost forgot. Mrs. Brook isn’t here.
    I know. She’s in her room.
    No. She had to go out of town.
    Why?
    Her sister is having difficulty with her pregnancy.
    I Look At The Person.
    Mrs. Johnson looks at the floor and then at me. She’s having a lot of trouble with her twin babies who aren’t born yet.
    I thought babies were only a lot of trouble after they were born.
    Sometimes it’s before and after. So Mrs. Brook is going to see what she can do to help her sister. She sighs. I hope everything goes well.
    I wonder what that means. What if it doesn’t?
    I just mean I hope the babies . . . are fine.
    What if they’re not? What’ll be wrong with them?
    I’m sure they’ll be fine. Pregnancy is just . . . hard.
    How does she know? Are you pregnant?
    Mrs. Johnson’s face turns pinkish. N-no.
    I don’t want to be pregnant either, I say . I have enough hard things to Deal With.
    Mrs. Johnson lets me sit in the classroom instead of going to recess. She gives me paper so I can draw. I decide to draw a picture for Mrs. Brook of some stuffed animals looking at the Facial Expressions Chart because I have that chart memorized.
    Mrs. Johnson says I should write a letter to Mrs. Brook to go with my drawing. I sigh because I’d rather draw but Mrs. Johnson Looks At The Person hard so I write the letter even though I’m much better at drawing than writing and Mrs. Johnson should know that by now.
    Dear Mrs. Brook I’m sorry about your difficult sister and the babies who are still inside of her causing trouble. I hope they start behaving so you can come back soon. I will even practice my finesse and keep pace with you when we walk. And I promise I will be your friend. Scout’s honor.
    Caitlin Ann Smith.

CHAPTER 22
    DRAWINGS
    DAD SAYS WE’RE GOING TO A FUN raiser for the families of the people who were shot. He says it’s being given by people who care about us and want to help us and even though I don’t like crowds we still have to go because we have to show we appreciate what they’re doing for us and we should act like we appreciate it and like we want to be there even if we don’t because no one has to do a fun raiser but they’re doing it anyway.
    I want to go, I tell him, so you can stop making excuses. A fun raiser sounds like a good thing.
    He stops talking. He tilts his head like he doesn’t Get It. I don’t know why.
    What kind of fun things will there be? I ask.
    He shrugs . I think there’s a silent auction and a raffle and I’m not sure what else.
    Oh. That doesn’t sound like much fun.
    Cait-LIN, he says in his warning voice.
    Okay okay .
     
     
    The fun raiser is in the Virginia Dare Middle School cafeteria. When we get out of the car near the cafeteria door Dad stops and stares at the school for a moment. He blinks a lot and swallows hard so the lump