Free He Who Shapes by Roger Zelazny Page B

and her desires, or her skandhas, or whatever you want
    to call them, are as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar. Do you realize
    the intense application required for a blind person to obtain the
    education she has obtained? It took a will of ten-point steel and
    the emotional control of an ascetic as well"
    "And if something that strong should break, in a timeless
    moment of anxiety," smiled Bartelmetz sadly, "may the shades
    of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung walk by your side in the
    valley of darkness.
    "And if something that strong should break, in a timeless
    "Five," he ticked it off on one finger. "Is she-pretty?"
    Render looked back into the fire.
    "Very clever," sighed Bartelmetz, "I cannot tell whether you
    are blushing or not, with the rosy glow of the flames upon your
    face. I fear that you are, though, which would mean that you
    are aware that you yourself could be the source of- the inciting
    stimulus, I shall burn a candle tonight before a portrait of Adier
    and pray that he give you the strength to compete successfully
    in your duel with your patient."
    Render looked at Jill, who was still sleeping. He reached out
    and brushed a lock of her hair back into place.
    "Still," said Bartelmetz, "if you do proceed and all goes well,
    I shall look forward with great interest to the reading of your
    work. Did I ever tell you that I have treated several Buddhists
    and never found a 'true ego'?"
    Both men laughed.
    Like me but not like me, that one on a leash, smelling of fear,
    small, gray, and unseeing. Rrowl and he'll choke on his collar.
    His head is empty as the oven till She pushes the button and it
    makes dinner. Make talk and they never understand, but they
    are like me. One day I will kill onewhy? . . . Turn here.
    "Three steps. Up. Glass doors. Handle to right."
    Why? Ahead, drop-shaft. Gardens under, down. Smells nice,
    there. Grass, wetdirt, trees, and cleanair. I see. Birds are
    recorded though. I see all. 1.
    "Drop-shaft. Four steps."
    Down. Yes. Want to make loud noises in throat, feel silly.
    Clean, smooth, many of trees. God . . . She likes sitting on
    bench chewing leaves smelling smooth air. Can't see them like
    me. Maybe now, some. . . ? No.
    Can't Bad Sigmund me on grass, trees, here. Must hold it.
    Pity. Best place . . .
    "Watch for steps."
    Ahead. To right, to left, to right, to left, trees and grass now.
    Sigmund sees. Walking . . . Doctor with machine gives her his
    eyes. Rrowl and he will not choke. No fearsmell.
    Dig deep hole in ground, bury eyes. God is blind. Sigmund
    to see. Her eyes now filled, and he is afraid of teeth. Will make
    her to see and take her high up in the sky to see, away. Leave
    me here, leave Sigmund with none to see, alone. I will dig a
    deep hole in the ground . . .
    It was after ten in the morning when Jill awoke. She did not
    have to turn her head to know that Render was already gone.
    He never slept late. She rubbed her eyes, stretched, turned onto
    her side and raised herself on her elbow. She squinted at the
    clock on the bedside table, simultaneously reaching for a
    cigarette and her lighter.
    As she inhaled, she realized there was no ashtray. Doubtless
    Render had moved it to the dresser because he did not approve
    of smoking in bed. With a sigh that ended in a snort she slid out
    of the bed and drew on her wrap before the ash grew too long.
    She hated getting up, but once she did she would permit the
    day to begin and continue on without lapse through its orderly
    progression of events.
    "Damn him," she smiled. She had wanted her breakfast in
    bed, but it was too late now.
    Between thoughts as to what she would wear, she observed
    an alien pair of skis standing in the corner. A sheet of paper
    was impaled on one. She approached it.
    "Join me?" asked the scrawl.
    She shook her head in an emphatic negative and felt
    somewhat sad. She had been on skis twice in her life and she
    was afraid of them. She felt that she should really try again,
    after his being a reasonably good