Free In Darkness Lost by Ariel Paiement Page B

And if they weren’t trying that, what were they doing?
    It seemed Cyril wanted to rule Argent. Otherwise, why would they attack? Would they really attack my kingdom just to attempt to force me into a political marriage? Why not ask me? I might have said no, but then, in consideration of my people, I probably would have said yes.
    Not because I wanted to marry someone for politics and power, but because if it was good for my people, I was willing to sacrifice. Of course, marrying Crypt would be a much more advantageous marriage for my people. But if Cyril had told me they wanted a political union or they’d attack, I might have said yes. No need for all the bloodshed.
    Who am I kidding? I would never agree to such a marriage! It means compromising so much I believe in! I couldn’t do it, and it wouldn’t be better for my people. I’d become a figurehead to the Cyrillian rulers and political figures. Argent would be no more. So it was back to figuring out what game Cyril was playing.
    I sighed, sinking into my chair. Piles of paperwork still sat on my desk to be filled out. Why did ruling have to be so hard? All I wanted was to be left alone by now. I was sick of ruling. I never had a moment to be myself, it seemed. No time for weaknesses or doubts. I was supposed to be strong and the best of the best! My people were at war, and their Queen needed to be a strong, independent, thinking woman.
    Ha! It was laughable. Independent and thinking, yes. But not strong. In fact, if anything, I was weak, frightened, and confused. I wasn’t ready for this, but I had to do it anyway, and I knew it wouldn’t end well.
    I went back to signing paperwork in despair. My mind whirled trying to discover Cyril’s games and intricacies.
    The door opened again, and the page once more walked into my audience chamber.
    “My Lady?”
    “What, Oswald?” I was feeling slightly snappish now, and my voice took on an edge.
    His face went pale. “Sorry, My Lady, but the Court Wizard wishes to see you.”
    I sighed. “Very well, Oswald. Show him in.”
    What did Crypt want? I was too busy figuring out my problems to try to figure out what he could want. I’d given up thinking about us. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want any marriage between us until after the war. Why he was being that way, I still couldn’t divine, but I didn’t feel like figuring that out either.
    When we were in private, he was still affectionate. He would kiss me, but he seemed somewhat distant, as though his mind was preoccupied and he didn’t really think that he should be kissing me. And maybe he shouldn’t have. But I wasn’t the one who was going to start a fuss just because he kissed me.
    Oswald backed out, bowing to me.
     I turned back to my paperwork, my stomach knotting and hands shaking.
    This war was bad for me and everyone else. It was putting all of us on the last pittance of patience, but especially me.
    Well, why not? It rested on my thin shoulders to figure this whole mess out. And I wasn’t strong enough.
    Why was it that people seemed always to put their hope in the frailest part of the defense? Foolishness. It was the best way to lose a war.
    Crypt walked in. He took one look at my face and sighed.
    “What did you come for, Crypt?” I sat down in my chair, looking at him.
    He seemed to falter a little. I wondered why briefly, but maybe he was just surprised to see me so disheartened. It must show on my face for him to react the way he had when he first walked in.
    “Are you okay?” He frowned.
    “No. I’m not.” I retorted.
    “What’s wrong?” His calm in the face of my snippiness was admirable.
    I wanted to stop snapping at him. I loved him, and I didn’t want to behave badly towards him. He wasn’t the reason I was upset anyway. He just happened to be there when I was upset.
    “Things aren’t going well with this war.” I stood up again, unable to stay still.
    I started pacing, but Crypt’s gentle hands on my shoulders