Free Calamity Jayne Goes to College by Kathleen Bacus Page A

appropriately.
    "Wow, this vehicle of Uncle Frank's really has some torque to it," I said as I tromped the accelerator. Keith Gardner's truck
     ran a stop sign ahead and pulled out onto the county road that ran adjacent to the college. "Lots of power under the hood,"
     I noted as I made one of those rolling stops that always made my driver's ed instructor grab the dashboard and stomp on the
     extra brake pedal. I tromped on the gas and left behind a teensy bit of rubber as I made the turn a wee bit too fast.
    "Holy shit!" I heard again from the backseat, and out of the corner of my eye saw Dixie roll from one end of the Suburban
     to the other.
    "I guess I should have suggested you buckle up," I said, trying unsuccessfully to find her reflection in the mirror. "But,
     like, who knew?"
    The vehicle in front of us increased both its speed and its lead.
    "He's made us," I told the Humpty Dumptyette in the backseat attempting to right herself. "And he's trying his best to lose
     us." I floored the Suburban and continued the chase. The Suburban was soon going eighty-five, but it felt like nothing at
     all. What a sweet ride. My Plymouth would have been losing crucial component parts like doors and quarter panels and hubcaps
     if by some fluke I ever managed to get it going this fast.
    We came to a sudden curve in the road and the pickup's brakelights were a warning beacon for me to slow down before I entered
     the curve. And I did. Just not enough to prevent Dixie from spinning out of control again. She flew from one side of the car
     to the other, across the flat interior where the seat back would have been had it not been folded down for easy transport
     of buns and other Dairee Freeze food items. She rolled across the interior of the vehicle again once I'd negotiated the curve.
    "Sorry!" I said, taking a quick look into the rearview mirror and seeing only her behind.
    Keith suddenly veered off to the left and onto a gravel road.
    I prepared to follow.
    "Oh no, you don't!" Dixie said, trying to gain a handhold on the back of the driver seat. "You are not going to take this
     vehicle on a high-speed chase down a dark gravel road you've never been on in your life!" she said, and somehow managed to
     haul her body over the back and into the front seat beside me. "The madness ends here," she said. "Back off, sister, or I
     pick up the phone and call your uncle Frank," she added, holding up Frankie's cell phone. "Just ease off the accelerator and
     nobody gets hurt. Do it!"
    I saw the taillights of Keith's pickup grow dimmer and dimmer, and I turned onto the gravel road, slowing my speed somewhat.
    "Oh, for heaven's sake, it's just a bunch of itty-bitty rocks," I said. "This is a Chevy truck. You know. Built tough."
    "That's Ford tough, you maniac!" she said. "Now slow down or I make the call," she threatened holding out the phone.
    "Jeesch. Excuse me for wanting to catch the bad guy," I growled, no longer even able to follow the dust trail of the long-gone
     Chevy. I peered out at the dark road.
    "Look out!"
    I saw the big, butt-ugly, had-no-business-being-in-the-center-of-the-road opossum a tenth of a second before I slammed on
     the brakes and we went careening sideways down the gravel road. Someone screamed, but I wasn't exactly equipped at the moment
     to figure out who it was. For all I knew, it coulda been the possum. I turned the wheel in the direction of the skid and let
     off the brakes. We flew past the fat opossum--one at least twice the size of my gramma's spoiled, chubby cat, Hermione--narrowly
     missing the nocturnal creature. I saw the glare of the headlights reflected in his dark eyes as we veered past him and headed
     for a rather deep ditch.
    "Turn! Turn!" Dixie yelled, and she grabbed the steering wheel. If too many cooks spoiled the stew, you can imagine what too
     many drivers did to a sideways slide down a dark gravel road. Uh, and no cracks about women drivers, you hear?
    "Get your hands off the wheel!" I