Free Going Under by S. Walden Page B

is
wrong with you?”
    “Look, I’m not waiting around forever,
Brooke,” Finn said.
    “I don’t expect you to.”
    “Are you trying to tell me that you felt
nothing when I just kissed you?”
    “Sure, I felt something. I felt horny.
That’s it,” I snapped. “I don’t love you, Finn. I cannot be with
you. It’s wrong on so many levels.”
    “You’ll continue to fight your attraction to
me because of some dead girl?!”
    It was automatic. I swung my hand with all
my might, making contact with the side of Finn’s head. It was a
sloppy hit, somewhere between a slap and a punch, but it was
effective. He grunted and rubbed his temple.
    “What the fuck?!”
    “You’re a heartless piece of shit!” I
screamed. “She’s not some ‘dead girl’! She was my best friend!”
    He stood silently for a moment, rubbing his
head.
    “I feel sorry for you, Brooke,” he said.
“You’ll ruin your life because you can’t get past your guilt.”
    “Ha! And I suppose by ruining my life you
mean living without you?” I asked. “Don’t worry, Finn. I have no
plans to let you ruin my life.”
    “You’ll be sorry, Brooke.”
    “What the hell does that even mean?”
    “We’re through. That’s what it means,” he
replied, and started for his car parked a few spaces away.
    “Hallelujah,” I mumbled, watching him drive
away.
    ***
    “ I have the perfect guy for you,” I said
in a singsong voice.
    “ Oh jeez,” Beth replied. “Brooke, it’s
time you face the truth. You’re not the best matchmaker.”
    “ Okay, Kevin was all wrong, I admit,” I
said.
    “ And Jason,” Beth said.
    I shrugged.
    “ And Andrew and Ian.”
    “ Oh my God. Okay already!”
    Beth giggled.
    “ I’m telling you that this guy is the
one.”
    Beth sighed. “Describe.”
    “ Okay. So his name is Finn, and he goes
to my school, and he’s really tall and plays lacrosse.”
    “ What does he look like?” Beth
asked.
    “ I’m getting to that. Chill,” I said.
“He’s got blond hair and brown eyes.”
    Beth scrunched up her nose. “I don’t know if
I like that combo.”
    “ What are you talking about? Sandy hair
and dark eyes? It’s totally hot,” I argued.
    “ Whatever,” she said. “Continue.”
    “ And he goes to church,” I said.
    “ So what? That makes him a good guy or
something?”
    “ I don’t know. Maybe,” I said.
    “ Hold up. Why would you even bring up the
whole church thing?”
    “ What do you mean?” I asked.
    Beth’s face lit up with realization. “You
think I’m a whore!”
    “ What?!”
    “ You want me to date this church guy
because you think I’m a whore!”
    “ Oh my God, Beth. What have you been
smoking?” I asked.
    She laughed and shook her head. “So what?
He’s gonna convert me or something? Make me a good girl again? I
think I remember you being the one who lost your virginity at
fifteen. Not me. At least I waited until last year.”
    I bristled. First off, I never lost my
virginity at fifteen. I lied about it because I was tired of being
the only virgin Beth and I knew. Yes, there’s just as much pressure
for a girl to lose it as there is for a guy. Second, Beth had a lot
of nerve comparing my sexual past with hers. Maybe she waited until
she was seventeen, but in those ten months since she lost her
virginity, she had slept with four guys.
    “ Go ahead and say it,” Beth said. “I can
see it written all over your face anyway.”
    “ You’re sleeping with too many guys,
Beth,” I blurted. “It doesn’t . . . look good.” I averted my
eyes.
    Beth was quiet for a moment.
    “ Why can a guy sleep around and it gives
him this awesome reputation, but when a girl does it, she’s a
freaking slut?” she asked finally.
    I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s the world we
live in, I guess. Some things will never be fair.” I glanced at
Beth, trying to find the courage to ask. She sat on the edge of the
bed, staring at her open palms, and I wondered if she was trying to
read them.