Free Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Page A

for a cause that’s bigger than both of us. And after forty years, we like each other, get along well, and have fulfilled one another as much as is possible.
Our fulfillment is doing the will of God. Our heart prayer is, Not my will , Lord , but Yours . This focus kept me from saying, “I deserve more help than this” when Luis has been gone for two weeks, leaving me with four little boys. I didn’t think, I can’t believe Luis has to leave again so soon , two or three weeks after his last trip. For me, the Lord’s command to “take up your cross and follow Me” has meant letting Luis go while I take care of things at home. No, it isn’t “fair,” but it brings life — eternal life — to others. And I gain peace, contentment, and satisfaction. 8
    Patricia’s attitude works just as well for wives married to hardware salesmen as it does for wives married to evangelists or pastors. Patricia surrendered to God’s will , whatever it was. Raising children, supporting a husband, staying involved in your church — all of these activities can constitute a call “bigger than both of us,” even if such a call will never get celebrated in a history book.
    Regardless of your life situation, the Christian life does require a cross. Your cross may look different from Patricia’s, but you will have a cross to bear. Resentment and bitterness will make each splinter of that cross feel like a sharp, ragged nail. A yielding, surrendered attitude may not make the cross soft , but it will make it sweeter; and at the end of your life, it may even seem precious.
    When, as a mature woman married for more than four decades, Patricia testifies that she has gained “peace, contentment, and satisfaction,” she means she has found what virtually every woman wants — and yet very few women find. Why? Because so many women look at the cross as their enemy instead of as their truest friend. Peace? Contentment? Satisfaction? From a woman who raised four boys with an often absent husband? Who went through two years of chemotherapy? How can this be? Patricia understands something the world mocks: “In the end, nothing makes us ‘feel’ as good as does obedience to Him.” 9
    If you don’t die to unrealistic expectations and if you refuse the cross, you’ll find yourself at constant war with your husband instead of at peace. You’ll feel frustrated instead of contented, and disappointed instead of satisfied. Why? We often forget that both partners in a marriage have their expectations, and sometimes these expectations conflict.
    Martie Stowell, married to Dr. Joseph Stowell (former president of Moody Bible Institute), found this to be true in her own marriage:
When Joe and I became engaged, I had a set of assumptions about how our married life would be. One of those was that Joe would be home most evenings and we’d spend hours together talking, sharing activities, and dreaming together, just like we did when we were dating. But those expectations didn’t materialize. After we were married, Joe juggled seminary, a part-time job, and a ministry assignment in addition to his commitment to me as his wife. He often came home late and I would be upset about having to spend the evening without him after working hard all day at my frustrating job. I felt Joe was breaking some unspoken promise about spending time with me. But you see, that was the problem: I never spoke with him about my expectations. In my mind he was breaking a promise, but in his mind he was simply fulfilling his responsibilities. 10
    Eventually, Martie talked to Joe about her desires, and the two of them worked out an arrangement to spend some evenings together. Because of his calling as a Christian leader, Joe is not home every night as Martie once dreamed he’d be; but also because of his calling as a Christian husband, he is home more evenings than he probably envisioned as a single man. Neither received all they wanted, but both bowed to something bigger than