Free Any Red-Blooded Girl by Maggie Bloom

chuckle.
    “Where is everyone?” I asked.
    “Well, let’s see… Lu-Lu’s at the bingo. And
your brother’s trying his luck in the volleyball tourney,” my dad
informed me, prying two huge waffles off the griddle and dropping
them on my plate. “Oh, and Moo-Ma left you a schedule. There’s tons
of activities today. Even a dance tonight, I do believe.”
    “Oh,” I said, feigning disinterest. I mean, I
hadn’t expected Wild Acres to host social events. As far as I knew,
only those richy-rich resorts like the one in Dirty Dancing bothered to entertain you. “Where’s the dance?” I asked. After all, he’d brought it up.
    “Geez…?” he said, sucking his teeth and
shaking his head. “The Clubhouse? Possibly. I haven’t read the
schedule, though,” he admitted, handing me the printout my mother
had left behind. “Here ye go.”
    I rolled my eyes at the Old English. “Thanks,
Dad.”
    “You’re ever so welcome, m’lady. ’Tis your
special day, ’tis not?”
“Huh?”
    “The anniversary of your birth, m’lady.”
    “All right, Dad,” I said, exasperated.
“You’re confusing me. Yes, it’s my birthday— if that’s what
you said. But will you please talk normal? I just woke up for God’s
sake.”
    “As ye wish.”
    While I chomped down the rest of my birthday
breakfast, I concentrated on the Wild Acres Recreation
Schedule.
    8:00-10:00 Breakfast Buffet in the
Clubhouse
    (Missed it, but Belgian waffles were better
anyway.)
    10:00-12:00 Bingo in the Activity Center
    (Check. The Mental Hygienist had it
covered.)
    11:00-1:00 Volleyball Tournament
    (Double check. Will’s specialty.)
    12:00-2:00 Buffet Lunch in the Clubhouse
    (No thanks. Buffets are usually gross.)
    1:00-3:00 Arts and Crafts in the Activity
Center
    (Probably for little kids.)
    2:00-3:00 Pie Eating Contest in the
Clubhouse
    (Fun to watch, maybe. But participate?
No.)
    3:00-5:00 Family Movie in the Movie Room
    (Only if it’s a classic like The Princess
Bride .)
    5:00-7:00 Dinner Buffet in the Clubhouse
    (Again, yuck.)
    7:00-8:00 Karaoke Contest in the Activity
Center
    (Not bloody likely. I’m a super
chicken.)
    8:00-10:00 Family Dance w/ DJ in the
Clubhouse
    (Only if Mick wants to go.)
    “Hey, Dad, can I keep this?” I asked, waving
the baby-blue sheet of paper in the wind on my way to the garbage
can.
    Out of nowhere, my father got one of those
sappy, wistful looks in his eyes. “Sure thing,” he agreed. “And,
Flowbee, happy birthday.” Before I could stop him, he caught me in
an awkward hug that only lasted a few seconds but seemed more like
an eternity. “I love you, squirt.”
    “Okay, Dad. Thanks,” I said, backing away
slowly. “Thanks a lot. I’ve gotta go get ready now. And then I’m
going to…” I glanced down at the sheet of paper I was still
clutching. “I’m going to go see how Will’s doing in the Volleyball
Tournament,” I declared.
    “Okie dokie, smokie,” my dad said, signifying
the end of our serious father-daughter moment, which was definitely
A-okay with me.
    After a soaking shower and a fresh change of
clothes, I once again headed for Mick’s place. And against my
better judgment, I allowed myself to start getting excited for
whatever surprise he had in store for me. After all, it was the
first time I’d had a real, legitimate boyfriend on my actual
birthday, so I had to squeeze in as much fun, romance, and
indulgent pampering as I could.
    But as I approached Mick’s compound, two
things immediately stood out: First, the place was
uncharacteristically quiet. And second, a few of the vehicles were
MIA. Plus, the only person in sight was Mick’s mother, who I
technically hadn’t even met yet.
    I drew a deep breath and slunk toward the
twiggy chair, where she sat buried beneath a mountain of yarn. “Um,
hi,” I said from about ten feet away.
    Mick’s mother just kept knitting.
    I took two more steps. “Excuse me,” I
tried.
    There was no response.
    Okay…what now? Should I push my luck