Free Back to You by Leighton Rose

need to let him go. He can’t really be happy if he knows that he doesn’t have all of your heart, and it’s not fair to ask him to stay for less than that. I know you don’t want to hurt him because that’s the type of person you are. Alex, you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met and you love harder than most people, which is why it’s so easy for people to love you, but this part has to be about him and what he deserves.” That was why I loved my Mama so much. It hurt like hell to hear her say that, but she was right (she was always right) and I knew she hadn’t said it to hurt me; she’d said it to help me.
     
    I sighed dejectedly. “I know, Mama, but I’ve already lost Tyler. I can’t lose Donny too.” Why was I such an emotional basket case over this? I’d never been one to cry or get too emotional, really, but in the last few weeks, it almost seemed as if I’d turned into a teenage girl with the emotional rollercoaster I’d been on.
     
    “Alex, if Donny really loves you like I think he does, then he probably already has an inkling of what you’re feeling, and that’s already hurting him, so prolonging this is just going to cause him more hurt in the long-term. I can’t tell you what to do, but I know the man I raised and I think you know what the right thing is.” Mama exhaled loudly. “I hate knowing that you’re hurting and I can’t do anything to help.”
     
    “That’s not true, Mama. You’ve helped more than you know just by being here for me.” Why hadn’t they invented teleportation machines yet? I really needed a hug from my mom in that moment.
     
    “Now, about Tyler…” she began and I braced myself for what was coming. “I know you think you did the right thing by leaving, and none of us really know what happened back then since you haven’t talked about it, but if you’re having this much regret about leaving him then maybe you need to also reexamine the reason you left and ask yourself if it was really worth it. It’s perfectly okay to realize that you might have been wrong or too hasty in your decision. No one’s judging you, but if you have this much anxiety and guilt over it, don’t just sit there, do something about it. Being proactive is the only way things will change. You can wallow in your guilt and throw yourself as many pity parties as you want but that will only make you feel worse in the end. You have to be the change you want to see.”
     
    She was right. Again. My mother had a knack for making things seem so clear and I realized that I probably should have called her for advice a long time ago. “Thanks, Mama. I love you.”
     
    “I love you, too, sweetie!” I could feel how much she loved me and I couldn’t be luckier to have such a great supporter. “Listen, I’ve got to get ready for brunch with Grams and Pop-Pop but if you need to talk more, you call me later, okay?”
     
    “I will. Tell everyone I love them and give them hugs from me, okay? Tell Ashton I’ll text him later today.” I really needed to be there for my baby brother more.
     
    “Okay, be good, Alex. I know you’ll do what’s right. Good-bye, sweetie.”
     
    “Bye, Mama.”
     
    I hung up the phone feeling a lot better about things until I realized that I still had to actually talk to Donny about everything. I decided to take the day to figure everything out and call him later that night or the next morning. Maybe some time apart would help me get my shit together.
     
    Or maybe I was just being a coward.
     

Chapter 9
     
    Tyler
     
    I woke up Saturday morning with a throbbing headache, and, when I rolled over to check the time, the unrelenting urge to throw up. Why was hindsight always so much clearer? Good lord, I shouldn’t have drunk so much tequila the night before, but Andrew was there egging me on and Alex’s memory was flooding my brain, so dumbass me thought it’d be a brilliant idea to chase away his memory with tequila.
     
    Hello,