Free Misjudged (Death Dwellers #3.5) by Kathryn Kelly

her scalp felt wet.
    Tears .
    Christopher was crying, too. She got to her knees and took his face between her hands, thumbing his tears away and kissing him softly.
    “I’m sorry I didn’t protect him,” she whispered, nuzzling her cheek against Christopher’s, combining their tears and pain. “I’m so sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you or your babies.”
    “Fuck, Megan, you fuckin’ think I ain’t already knowin’ that? You ain’t gotta tell me that. I know how fuckin’ much you love me. Whatcha willin’ to do to protect me. I ain’t layin’ a bit of fuckin’ blame on you.”
    The fact that he blamed Kendall for Meggie’s decision to go sent fresh tears to her eyes. “Don’t—“
    He put a finger over her lips. “Don’t give a fuck whatcha say ‘bout this shit, so save your fuckin’ breath, baby.”
    Too tired to argue, Meggie bowed her head. “Do you think he hates me?” She scratched her arm and furrowed her brow. “I had a dream. Last night. This morning. I’m not sure. But he was there. Patrick. Right next to me.” She sniffled and smiled at him, wanting to stop her flow of words but needing to get them out, too. Grief and pain filled his green eyes, his face was flushed, more somber than she’d ever seen him. “He called out to me.”
    “Yeah?”
    She nodded and swallowed. “ Mommie . He called me. He woke me up. CJ doesn’t even say it yet, you know?”
    “I know, baby.” He laid his palm against her cheek and she relaxed against the warmth of him. His smile was tender. “My boy gonna call you that as soon as he able.”
    Meggie rubbed her forehead. “I tried to pick Patrick up. He was right there. Calling me. But the moment my hand would’ve touched him, he left.”
    “He was just stoppin’ in, baby,” Christopher told her, his eyes bright with sadness. “To check on you. He don’t want you so sad. He ain’t restin’ as long as you so filled up with pain.”
    “You think?” she whispered, horrified at the thought and glancing at the cold ground that contained her son. “I had another dream. I was here, digging and digging and digging. I didn’t stop until I got to his casket. I opened it and he wasn’t there.” Her nostrils flared and she let out a moan. “No matter what, wherever he is, I try to reach him and he always leaves before I can.”
    Christopher grabbed her and shook her. “Because he ain’t fuckin’ for us any-fuckin-more, Megan. He not fuckin’ here. He fuckin’ gone. You gotta get that through your fuckin’ head. No matter what the fuck you do, he ain’t fuckin’ comin’ back. But you got me and you got CJ and we need you.” Anger blazed from him and he got to his feet, pacing. “What the fuck, baby? You wanna fuckin’ join Patrick? That fuckin’ it? Fuck us livin’ motherfuckers. You got a fuckin’ dead boy needin’ you more.”
    Meggie gasped at Christopher’s words and she jumped to her feet, shoving him. “Go to hell,” she blazed out. “At least I remember I have two sons. You don’t acknowledge Patrick ever. You only say my boy. You have boys .”
    “No, baby. No, I fuckin’ don’t. I have a boy. CJ. He fuckin’ alive. I ain’t even got to know Patrick. I ain’t knowin’ the fuckin’ color of his eyes. Nothin’ , Megan.”
    “You put him inside of me. You felt him moving and…and…and—“ She couldn’t even finish. Finishing required remembering and remembering hurt her to her soul. She swiped at her tears. “I want the pain to stop, Christopher. I want it to go away.”
    He closed his eyes and pulled her into his arms, nosing her hair. “Let him go, Megan. You ain’t ever gonna forget him. He was yours, but he wasn’t meant to be yours any longer than he was.” He heaved in a breath. “You was so happy last night. Maybe, we should go back to that fuckin’ bullshit park. Just so you can smile and laugh again. I’ll do fuckin’ anything to see a real smile on your face like you got last