Free Even When You Lie to Me by Jessica Alcott Page A

said.
    “See you in half an hour,” I said.
    —
    The gym was heaving when we arrived. Noise spilled out in waves and hung in the air like smoke. I lingered behind Lila, watching as people’s eyes swiveled to her and then to me.
    “We’ll find Drummond,” Lila said, “if that’ll make you feel better.” I knew, though, that she wanted to show off for him too.
    He wasn’t with the other chaperones, who were laughing with one another in a loose circle, their clothes and hair drooping. And he wasn’t anywhere else either; it was just purple-hued teenagers grinding as far as the eye could see.
    “Sorry,” Lila said. “Let’s dance until he gets here, okay?”
    “I’m fine,” I said, gesturing at the buffet table. “I need to get a drink. Fortify myself.”
    Lila looked me over. “All right. I’m making you dance in a few minutes, though.” She wandered off into the crowd, her hips swaying in a way that made me feel uncomfortable.
    I watched the dancers for a while—the way the rhythm of the songs guided their movements, and how groups spontaneously formed and then fell apart. Some people didn’t get a partner when a slow song came on, and they’d wander to the buffet table as if they’d just remembered they needed a snack. I exchanged resigned smiles with a few of them.
    I kept my arms crossed over my chest and tried to stay as inconspicuous as possible. I felt like people were staring at me but I couldn’t tell for sure. Whenever they laughed and looked in my direction, I thought about retreating to the bathroom. I filled a cup with punch and held it like it was a piece of armor. I didn’t know how to carry myself in a dress. I couldn’t figure out where to put my hands or how to stand. The sneakers had seemed like a good idea at home, but all the other girls were in heels and suddenly I wished I’d borrowed some from my mom.
    Then I spotted Drummond—he’d finally arrived. A gaggle of kids surrounded him already. One of the girls touched him flirtatiously. He withdrew a little but she didn’t seem to notice; she clung to his arm even as it moved.
    As a song wound down, Lila returned, looking sweaty and flushed and terrifyingly sexy. “What’s going on?” she said, knocking into me as if she were a wave and I were a concrete barrier. She grabbed the cup from my hand and took a long swig, draining it. “Thanks, babe.”
    I took the cup back and fiddled with it. “Drummond’s here,” I said, pointing.
    She looked around. “Polo shirt and Dockers. Hot. He seems to be getting attention, though.”
    “Freshmen.”
    “Ew. How about we distract him a little? Come out and dance with me.”
    “You think my dancing is going to
attract
him? You’ve seen me dance, right?”
    Lila tried to pull me away from the buffet table. “Come on, I’ll teach you how to look hot. It’s all in the calves.”
    I glanced at Drummond. He was still talking to the kids, laughing now, enjoying himself.
    “All right,” I said, but I didn’t move.
    “Really?” Lila stopped pulling. “You’ve never actually danced at a dance.”
    “I guess I should do it once in my life.”
    “You really do like him, don’t you?” she said. She gave me a look I couldn’t read. “Okay, come on, then.”
    The music pulsed and I shuffled as much as I could without feeling ridiculous. I could just about sway my hips to the beat, but anything more complicated made me feel awkward and gangly. Lila tried to guide my movements, but she had an internal rhythm I found impossible to mimic.
    “Just listen to the music!” Lila shouted into my ear. “Don’t try to move; just let it move you.”
    “Oh please,” I said. But a song I liked came on, and Lila started dancing so shamelessly that I laughed and started dancing too. After a minute, I felt my joints loosening and my muscles going slack. The music was loud—so loud that normally it would have overwhelmed me, but instead I felt like I was inside it and it was pounding into