Free Frank Sinatra in a Blender by Matthew McBride Page B

Nuts at his house in Sunset Hills. They slid all over the street in the fresh snow that fell the night before. It didn’t amount to much but it was just enough to fuck everything up as far as driving went. No Nuts was voicing his opinion by the end of the road.
    “Why we gotta get the tweaker’s car?”
    “Aw, c’mon, Johnny.” Sid didn’t want to hear him complain about anything. At least not until he had his breakfast. They had a rule. No Nuts could bitch about whatever he wanted. Long as Sid got a chance to eat something first.
    “Sid, I’m just askin’. Why we gotta get this fuck’s car? It ain’t like he’ll be needin’ it.”
    Mr. Parker told Sid they had to get Telly’s car. Told him they should park it in down in the city and let the niggers steal it.
    “We should take it down to Kinloch,” Johnny said. “Won’t last ten minutes in Kinloch.”
    The last time Sid heard mention of Kinloch, a man in a wheelchair had gotten robbed and set on fire. People drove by as he burned alive and nobody helped. The crime rate was towering; people down there would steal anything. Sid told No Nuts he was right. “If it’s not welded to the floor they’ll take it.”
    The road to Montgomery’s was an obstacle course of cars in ditches, tow trucks in the emergency lane, and snow plows barreling through it all.
    They finally pulled up behind Telly’s shitbox and Sid told No Nuts to jump behind the wheel, follow him down to the city. No Nuts said he would, but he made it as far as the driver’s seat before he turned around and came back.
    “What’s the problem, Johnny? If your legs ain’t long enough to reach the pedals you can scoot that seat up.”
    “Fuck you,” No Nuts said. “There ain’t no keys.”
    “What?” Sid demanded.
    “Guess he took ‘em out of the ignition.”
    Sid closed his eyes. “Fuck.” He leaned back in the seat.
    No Nuts shrugged. “Sorry, Sid.”
    The keys were in Telly’s pants. Now that he thought about it, Sid remembered seeing them. He’d checked Telly’s pockets himself. It just never occurred to him they’d need them. He didn’t know Mr. Parker’d want the car moved. He wasn’t a mindreader. Still, if No Nuts felt the need to accept responsibility, Sid would certainly allow him to take the blame.
    “That’s okay, Johnny.”
    They sat there for a minute as Sid contemplated their next move. He was doing the thinking for the both of them. On a whim, Sid looked over at Johnny. Asked him, “You ever check the trunk?”
    Johnny scratched his head, said, “No.”
    “Well, why don’t you go and check it out then, Johnny. Y’know, just in case.”
    No Nuts gave Sid a fuck you look as he got out of the warm car. He walked back to the driver’s side and climbed in. A few seconds later the trunk popped open and No Nuts walked around to the back.
    When he saw the duffel bag No Nuts froze. His feet slipped in the snow, and he went down on his ass. He stood up, tried it again. Grabbed the open trunk lid to hold himself in place. His heart started drumming up against his ribs.
    What the fuck was this?
    •••••
     
    I woke up on the couch in an awkward position. I couldn’t remember going to bed. I couldn’t remember much about last night at all. I remembered Cowboy Roy’s and something about nipples, but the rest was a blur. I’d be sure to do a visual inspection of the Vic before I began the new day. The condition of my car was a pretty accurate gauge of the destructive events that may or may not have occurred the night before.
    I rolled over on my side and saw empty White Castle boxes scattered across the floor. That’s right, White Castle. Frank and I must have thrown down the party gauntlet before I passed out.
    I tried to sit up but my head was throbbing like there was a midget inside my skull smashing everything he could reach with a sledgehammer. Frank was lying on the floor beside me licking his testicles. The way he was going to town you’d think he