Free Cast in Stone by G. M. Ford Page A

nights, they wouldn't deliver anymore," said Ralph.
    "That
was until we sicced Mr. James on them," added Harold.
    "He
said the coupons were an implied contract."
    "And?"
    "And
he called the main office and threatened them. Threatened to get the
media, involved. You know, discrimination," George continued.
    Out
of the corner of my eye I could see that Norman had extracted from
one of the lower boxes a fossilized triangle, upon which he was now
munching contentedly. I looked away.
    "But
by then we were attracting a pretty big crowd," Harold said.
    "We
had forty-three for dinner last Friday," Ralph bragged.
    "The
neighbors went ballistic," said George with obvious pride.
    "Old
lady Tollifer up the street caught Big Harvey taking a dump in her
rhodies and called the cops."
    "The
jalapenos are murder," said Ralph with a wink.
    "So
you gave it up?" I asked.
    "Hell
no," said George. "The coupons are good till the end of the
month. We started having them delivered directly to the parks."
    "Closer
to home for the folks anyway," said Harold.
    "I'll
bet Domino's liked that."
    "They
lost corporate sphincter control," said George. "Claimed
they didn't have to deliver except to an address."
    "Mr.
James fixed that too," said Harold.
    "Get
this Leo, you'll love it," said George, pulling me closer. "This
guy James is a genius. He goes down to regional headquarters the next
day with
    a
camera crew from one of the local channels. Seems he's been to the
movies lately with his grandkids and seen Domino's pizza delivered to
a sewer grate in one of those movies about the mutated turtles."
    "Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles?"
    "Right.
Anyway. Right there in front of God and the cameras he asks the
regional director how come if he's willing to deliver pizzas to
anonymous amphibians in aqueducts, he's not willing to honor his
contracts with some of the city's less fortunate citizens. Says
if they'll deliver it to a grate, they damn well better deliver it to
a park. The skunk about drops his teeth."
    "So?"
    "Coupons
are good till the end of the month," said Harold, waving a sheaf
of coupons as thick as his wrist.
    "Jesus,"
I said. "How many of those things have you got?"
    "We
been getting about twenty a night just here in the neighborhood. If
you count all the other people we got looking in other neighborhoods,
we been averaging about sixty a night."
    "Is
this what Ralph and the Speaker were doing at my apartment last week?
They wanted to tell me about the pizzas," I guessed.
    "We
don't go near your—" George started.
    The
hangdog look on Ralph's face stopped him cold. He began to scream.
    "What
the fuck is the matter with you?" He waved himself off. "Never
mind, I know the answer to that. How many times have I told you—"
    Having
made my point, I bailed Ralph out.
    "You
guys want to make a little cash looking for something other than
pizza coupons?" I asked.
    "You
got work for us?" asked George enthusiastically.
    "Wadda
you need us to find?"
    "A
girl," I said. "Maybe not actually find her, but at least
find out where she's been living. Maybe find a neighbor or a
roommate."
    "We'll
find her, Leo," said Ralph. "Where is she?"
    "If
he knew where she was, you dumbass, he wouldn't need us to find her,"
shot George.
    "I
know where to start," I said.
    "That's
what I meant," said Ralph.
    They
waited like waifs at a toy-store window.
    "Down
by the market. She had somebody let her out across the street from
the market. Somewhere you can walk to from the market."
    "Lot
of places to stay down by the market," said Harold with
considerably less enthusiasm.
    "Terrible
neighborhood," muttered George. "Even the cockroaches are
perverts. The place even makes me nervous."
    Out
on the porch Norman was using his thumbnail, attempting to pry an
outsize piece of congealed cheese from the inside of one of the lids.
    "Cockroaches
used to be four inches long," he said between bites.
    "We'll
find her," said the ever-affable Ralph.
    "I've
got a hundred and fifty a day to donate to