Free Pam of Babylon by Suzanne Jenkins Page A

worked with us. No wonder!” Sandra couldn’t believe the conversation.
    “Well, I have to decide to keep it a secret or confront my mother-in-law. What do you think?” Her food had arrived and she dug in like a truck driver.
    “Don’t ask me! I’m terrible at that sort of thing. I mean, look at us. What would Jack say if he could see us together like this?” Sandra was still unsure of the reason for this meeting. She hoped that Pam would hurry up say whatever it was that needed saying.
    “We never have to worry about Jack again, that’s one thing for sure. Can I ask you a personal question?” Pam said. Oh, here goes , Sandra thought to herself. She nodded yes.
    “Did you love him?” She was looking up at Sandra, not with dread, but really interested. “I mean, it is clear why he was with you. You are beautiful. You’re nice. What’s not to like? I can’t be angry about it, at least not now. At first, I was hurt. For about ten minutes, I thought, ‘He found someone he liked better than me.’ But then I rationalized that maybe he needed both of us for some reason.”
    “I think I did,” Sandra replied nervously. “I mean, it wasn’t real, if that makes any sense. It was all wrong, and we both knew it. Plus, it wasn’t what you think an affair is. All sexual, I mean,” she started to stammer, but Pam put her at ease.
    “You can speak of sex without incurring my wrath, if that is your concern. I know you slept together. Okay?” Pam smiled at her, but Sandra noticed she had gone pale. She hoped Pam wasn’t going to faint in the restaurant.
    “I’m no expert psychologist, but I just think he was lonely. He may have thought it was expected of him to sleep with me. He…well, he didn’t really seem like he was into it.” She thought she had blown it for sure now and waited for the firestorm that comment was sure to start. Pam heard the words spoken and was eternally grateful. She reached across the table and took Sandra’s hand in hers.
    “Thank you, Sandra, for trying to preserve my pride. I will always be grateful for that,” Pam said, finding it difficult to believe that someone as sexual as Jack always was wouldn’t jump at the chance to ‘be into it’ with someone like Sandra.
    “No! It’s true! Oh, this is so weird, talking about it to you. But you have to believe me. He loved you. He loved me too, but in a different way. We were playing. It wasn’t real. I didn’t come to your apartment, and he never came to mine because we both knew it wouldn’t last. We were already getting bored. I hated the sneaking around as much as he did. He was too old for me, or I too young for him.” She bowed her head and fought the tears. Really, why the hell are we here—together? Pam pushed her plate aside and started rummaging through her purse.
    “Let’s go, dear. You’ll feel better when you get out of this stuffy place.” Pam put some money down on the table, and they got up and walked out. Pam took Sandra’s arm. They walked like that for a while, an attractive middle-aged woman and her beautiful companion.
    “I would like to be your friend. For more than the obvious reasons, not just that you understand something about my life that no one else on earth does, but because I like you,” Pam said. Sandra didn’t know what to say in return, so she just smiled at Pam. She didn’t have girlfriends, especially older women, and especially the wife of her late lover.
    “I was thinking, if you want to come over tomorrow night and stay the night, it would be easier for you to get to the funeral home by nine.” Pam knew she was on unexplored territory here. Inviting her late husband’s lover to spend the night in their home was probably not the best plan. How would I explain it to Marie, who knew all the details? She would have to get tough, tell her sister that it is was her house, her husband.
    “Thank you for offering, but really, I’ll be fine. I don’t drive, so I will take the train and