Free Pam of Babylon by Suzanne Jenkins Page B

then a cab.”
    “Okay,” said Pam, hiding her disappointment. She was hoping that they would have a better opportunity to talk in the comfort of the house. They walked in the direction of Jack’s apartment.
    “You don’t have to walk me back, Sandra,” Pam said. She stopped and turned to face her, having to look up to see her face. “I enjoyed being with you today. It is the first time in twenty-four hours that I felt relaxed.” She dug through her purse and came up with a pen and a grocery receipt and started scribbling her address on it and then added her cell phone number. “If you get stuck or can’t get a cab, call me. I’ll send someone to pick you up from the station.”
    Sandra took the scrap of paper from her. Then she bent over to kiss Pam on the cheek. Pam stood on her toes. Sandra felt genuine affection for her.
    “Thank you, Pam. Thank you for validating me. I don’t deserve it, but thanks anyway.”
    They said their goodbyes and then parted, Pam walking east one block to Madison and Sandra going south toward 79 th . She would walk across the park.
    As she walked along, Sandra felt a moment of rare and unexplainable joy. Her boyfriend was dead, she had a job she hated, both of her parents were dead, and her sister couldn’t stand the sight of her. So what is going on ? Having lunch with Jack’s wife was probably one of the strangest experiences she could have had at that place and time, but it left her with a feeling of contentment. She would have to think about this for a while, figure out how to make this moment last.
    Everything was green in the park. The trees full and lush. The freshly cut grass smelled wonderful. Children were playing, running after each other and throwing balls, while couples sat on blankets and read the Sunday Times . She and Jack never did that. She couldn’t think of a Sunday they had spent together. She had her own routine on the weekends and didn’t mind that he was unavailable. She didn’t miss him now.
    She’d have to take Tuesday off for the funeral; the whole office would be there. She didn’t think of that. Suddenly, she wanted, or rather, needed, Pam Smith. She needed to talk to her. Turning around, she ran up Fifth Avenue to the cross the street to Madison. She turned the corner just as Pam was walking into her building.
    “Pam!” she called. “Wait!” Not caring if she looked foolish, Sandra ran toward the building. Pam walked back out onto the sidewalk.

10
    M arie was in a quandary. On one hand, she was happy her sister was adjusting so wonderfully to the news that her husband was screwing some tramp and then dropped dead without being able to explain himself. On the other hand, she was furious that something was going on and Pam wasn’t including her.
    When she got up that morning and found the note, she knew right away that her sister was going to the city to see Sandra. Angry, she felt left out, unappreciated. If Pam only knew, if she had known what Marie saw Saturday morning she wouldn’t be so damn accommodating to Sandra Benson. She had to pull herself together, she was being irrational. It was moments like this that destroyed families and relationships. She mustn’t lose control. She must try to understand her sister and show her some respect.
    She poured old coffee down the drain, rinsed out the pot, and filled it with fresh water. Her favorite routines would help pull her out of this mess. The kids needed her to be strong. Making coffee and busying herself in the kitchen would be a panacea to madness.
    None of the food gifts looked appetizing, so she would bake muffins. When the family got up, when Bill and Anne came in, she would prepare whatever kinds of eggs they wanted. In the meantime, she would fry bacon, too. Those aromas would surely get everyone up. If she were surrounded with people, she would have purpose. Then the fears that were tormenting her, fears that she would no longer be useful in this house, would abate for a