Free Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures by Ayala Malach Pines Page B

half-tamed demons that inhibit the human breast, and seeks to wrestle with them, can expect to come through the struggle unscathed.
     
    -Sigmund I rcud, "Dora"
     
     
    Jealousy Is Normal and Universal
     
     
    According to Freud (1922/1955), jealousy is Universal not because it is innate, but because it is inevitable. No one can escape it because it originates in painful childhood experiences we all share. These universal childhood traumas are reexperienced whenever our jealousy is evoked in adulthood.
    Because everyone experiences it, jealousy is, by definition, normal. Indeed, Freud describes jealousy as "one of those affective states, like grief, that may be described as normal. If anyone appears to be without it, the inference can be justified that it has undergone severe repression and consequently plays all the greater part in his unconscious mental life."
    In Freud's view, if a person does not experience jealousy when an important relationship is threatened, something is not altogether right about him. It is akin to not feeling grief when someone you care deeply about dies. Such a response most probably means that the person is working hard to suppress the feelings of jealousy and hide them from self and others.
    In 1979, fifty-six years after the publication of Freud's work on jealousy, a psychiatrist named Emil Pinta published an article entitled "Pathological Tolerance; describing a clinical syndrome in which a person who should be jealous is not. Pinta cites several cases in which a husband or a wife accepted a sexual relationship between his or her mate and a third person (Pinta, 1979).
    In one case, John (25 years old) and Sharon (55 years old) were married. Michael (age 17), a high-school dropout who was originally hired to help with chores on the farm, lived with them and had become Sharon's lover. Sharon insisted that she loved both men and was unwilling to make a choice between them. John resented having another ►nan in his home making love to his wife, yet was reluctant to leave or to pressure Sharon to decide between himself and Michael.
    In another case, Lana (26 years old) was married to Jack (32 years old). During the year prior to her starting therapy, another woman, Marilyn (32 years old) lived with them in their home and shared Jack sexually. Marilyn and Jack worked during the day, leaving Lana at home to babysit Marilyn's two children from a previous marriage. Lana described herself as feeling "unappreciated and misunderstood" by Jack, Marilyn, and the children. tier primary reason for entering therapy was to "have the children obey me" She was aware that her relationship with Jack and Marilyn was emotionally destructive, but refused to consider leaving or insisting that Marilyn leave. Pinta suggests that the dynamics of pathological tolerance are identical to those of pathological jealousy. We will return to the dynamics of pathological tolerance (and to the two triangles) after we examine the dynamics of pathological jealousy. For now, suffice it to say that most people would probably agree with Pinta that in both John's and Lana's case, something is not quite "normal" about their lack of jealousy and their entire relationship.
    A clinical syndrome similar to pathological tolerance is "psychological scotoma" (blindness), the inability to notice or to correctly interpret situations that are obvious jealousy triggers to virtually everyone else. An example of psychological scotoma that was first mentioned in chapter one is the husband whose wife flirts with every man around and sleeps with anyone willing and able; the husband is the only one who doesn't know and doesn't suspect. A woman who became sexually involved with a man whose wife seemed to be suffering from psychological scotoma describes the strange experience:
    We Were dancing so provocatively, practically making out, that I don't think there was anyone at the party who didn't notice that something was going on. Anyone besides his wife,