Free Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures by Ayala Malach Pines

course, being in the midst Oki jealousy crisis doesn't have the best effect on one's mental slale.14
    Poor physical condition, to a lesser degree than poor mental condition, is also associated with a greater tendency to experience jealousy. The better one's physical condition in general, the less likely one is to suffer from jealousy.
    Unlike the findings concerning the antecedents of"jealousy in people's early childhood experiences-about which they can (10 little-the findings about the correlation between mental and physical condition on the one hand, and jealousy on the other hand, can be translated to specific recommendations.
    People who are frequently tormented by jealousy can prepare themselves to deal with the problem by improving their general mental and physical health. (Mental health can be improved by therapy, by relaxation exercises, or by doing things that make one feel good.) When people feel better psychologically, they are likely to suffer less from jealousy, even if other factors contributing to the situation haven't changed. Similarly, getting into better physical shape improves one's ability to cope with all of life's stresses, including jealousy. People who enjoy dancing, for example, can put on music with a good beat and dance for fifteen minutes each day, especially when depressed, and it will have a positive effect both on their mood and their physical condition-which is likely to help them handle their jealousy more effectively.
    A Word about Mild Jealousy
     
     
    Thus far the focus has been extreme jealousy, the kind that causes tremendous pain and rage. Jealousy is not always that extreme; it comes in milder forms, too. Most people experience mild jealousy far more often than extreme jealousy ("every time I see him flirting with an attractive woman"; "every time she expresses admiration of another man"). The experience lasts a far shorter time (seconds as compared to days or months) and is much less painful and traumatic. In fact, some people even say that this type of jealousy adds spice to their relationships. A woman who describes herself as very happily married explains:
    When I see him flirting with in attractive woman, his eyes shining and his whole face radiating, it reminds me of what a handsome man he is. I feel a twinge of jealousy, but it's not an unpleasant feeling. I can even say that I rather like it. It brings excitement into our relationship, a tease. It assumes I don't take him for granted. What makes me so cool about it is the fact that I feel secure in his love, and know that when we go home we are going to talk about that other woman, and laugh about it all.
    Jealousy is like a hot pepper. Use it mildly, and you add spice to the relationship. Use too much of it and it can burn. Indeed, in one of my studies of marriage burnout I discovered that the more people experienced intense jealousy in their relationship, the more likely they were to burn out_1' The reverse seems true of mild jealousy.
    The "Jealous Person" and the "Nonjealous Person"
     
     
    People who describe themselves as "jealous" also describe themselves as suffering from jealousy more intensely and more frequently than people who describe themselves as "not jealous." For the former group, jealousy is more easily triggered and it lasts longer. They con sider their jealousy more of'a problem and report experiencing more jealousy during all stages of' their life. Other people help validate their perception of themselves as jealous. People who know them well, and people with whom they have had intimate relationships, consider them jealous.
    Yet, as we have seen throughout this chapter, people who describe themselves as not jealous also experience jealousy when an important relationship is threatened. Furthermore, they experience it with the same physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms as people who define themselves WS jealous. They experience it in response to similar triggers and in a similar rank order: An affair