Free Paint It Black by Michelle Perry Page A

His socks were so white I found myself wondering if he did his own laundry.
    “Hey, Neese,” he said around a mouthful of chips. “Celtics and Knicks. Who you got?”
    “Knicks.”
    “That’s my girl!” He winked at Angel. “Two against one. You gotta get better, pal. This ain’t any fun without you yelling at the TV.”
    I sat on the other side of the bed and squeezed Angel’s foot. “Aside from your misguided hoops alliances, you doing all right today?”
    Angel blinked. I kicked off my shoes and stretched out on the bed beside him, careful not to disturb his IV lines. A blanket of sadness fell over me, nearly crushingme when I thought of all the time I’d spent with these two men, of how deeply I cared for them both. We’d started in the DEA as kids, and had done a lot of growing up together in the past eight years. The thought of spending the next six months without them left me feeling miserable and afraid. I told myself that I’d still see them, that they’d still be around, but I knew it wouldn’t be the same. It would never be the same again.
    “Spill it,” Cougar said. “You look like you lost your best squirrel dog.”
    I fingered the edge of Angel’s cotton blanket, unable to muster a smile. “I, uh, put in for some time off.”
    Cougar was silent for a moment. Then he nodded. “That’s good. Take a couple weeks off, go somewhere warm. Take Abby to Disney World—”
    “I put in for six months.”
    It hurt me to see the shock on his face. In some twisted way, this was harder than when I told Grady I was leaving. Cougar had never wronged me, never hurt me. I felt like I was betraying him. Abandoning him at a time when he needed me most.
    “Necie, no!” he said, and the ragged tone of his voice twisted the knife a little deeper. He dropped his feet to the floor and leaned forward. Then he stood and walked over to the window, staring down at the lights below. “Why?” he asked without turning around.
    “I’m trying to save my marriage. Grady said he’dstop drinking if I took some time off.”
    Angel’s slack, handsome face turned toward mine, and the compassion I found in his dark eyes was more than I could bear. A tear slid down my nose, then another.
    Cougar whirled. “You mean, you’re giving up your career so he’ll give up a habit? You think that’s fair?”
    “I’m not giving up my career. It’s only a few months.” Even as I said it, the words felt hollow and false.
    “Bullshit. C’mon, Denise … if Grady gets you out that long, do you really think he’ll let you come back?”
    “What can I do, Cougar? I have a little girl to think about.”
    “Yeah, you have a little girl to think about. Do you think it’s setting a good example for her to see her mother give up a job she loves just to please some jealous asshole?”
    I rose from the bed and took his place at the window, staring down at the twinkling lights of North Broad Street. My shoulders shook from the force of the tears I’d sworn I wasn’t going to cry.
    Cougar slipped up behind me and draped an arm around my neck. He pulled me to him in a gentle head-lock, and buried his face in my hair. Somehow this was harder to take than his yelling at me.
    “Don’t leave me,” he said. “Please don’t leave me. I’ve got two people in this world that I can depend on, and they’re both in this room. I don’t want to lose you.”
    The door opened, and I pulled away from him. Thenurse did a double take at my tearstained face, then hurriedly checked Angel’s vitals and left.
    I sat in the chair Cougar had abandoned and leaned my head against the wall. “I don’t want to leave—”
    “Then don’t.” Cougar sat on the bed in front of me.
    “It’s not that easy—”
    “Yes, it is. Just tell the bastard to grow a spine. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t be so threatened by you.”
    I shook my head. “You don’t have kids, Cougar. You don’t know what it’s like. If it was only Grady—”
    Cougar