Free Between Two Wolves and a Hard Place by Cassie Wright

with me. How could he? How could he treat me that way? And to think, I spent years with him. Defending him. Standing up for him. Paying for his rent. Making excuses for him.
    I force myself to relax and take another bite. Why did I stay with Marv for so long? I stare out the window. Why? I munch slowly, trying to answer the question. Nothing comes at first. But I can tell that whatever reason kept me shackled to his side, it made his betrayal all the more galling. It was connected. His betrayal was unexpected. Shocking. It revealed a side to him that I'd never imagined existed. Like a monster emerging from the dark.
    I freeze, coffee halfway to my mouth. Like a monster emerging. Like Dean turning into a wolf. It clicks then, and with painful clarity I realize what kept me by his side: he was predictable. Safe. I thought I understood him, and that he had no surprises in store for me. I felt superior to him. In control. I thought, erroneously, that he would never scare me. Surprise me. Turn into a monster.
    I set the cup down with a rattle on its saucer. My heart is racing. I fled Dean and Drake, and blocked them from my mind. I thought I'd moved on, but I hadn't. That evening in the woods had haunted my every decision, right up to picking a despicable man I thought would never surprise me.
    And yet he had, and had proven to be a worse monster than Dean ever could be. Tears prick my eyes, and I laugh bitterly at myself beneath my breath. I was a fool. A blind, ignorant fool. All these years I've fought to avoid being hurt, and I only set myself up for the greatest devastation of all.
    I finish my bear claw and coffee, but the pleasure in their taste is gone. Feeling raw, vulnerable, I rise to my feet and slip back outside, not wanting to let Anita see my pain. The cold spring air feels good on my face, and I set out for a walk, not caring what direction I go in. South, and soon the road curves away from the river and Honeycomb Falls and into the woods.
    Marv proved to be a monster, but I'm the one who was purposefully blind to his faults. I'm the one who refused to see what was right before my eyes. I can't totally blame Marv for acting according to his nature; the true blame lies on my shoulders, and in my deluded denial.
    But no longer. I won't hide from the real world any more. I won't deny what I wanted, what I needed. Immediately an image of Dean and Drake appears before me. My truest, oldest friends. I ran away from them, terrified, and while that's understandable, is it fair? I wrestle with that question. Is there a way to a second chance? The thought sends a shiver through me, and an image of a slavering wolf flashes before my eyes. My throat clenches, and I hug myself tight.
    Dean isn't a monster. He's a shifter. Can I trust him? Trust him to keep control of himself? I don't know. I don't know the Dean of today. He looked so dark and lost in Fool's Gold. And that Leena. She seems more his style now.
    My walk takes me past that grand old estate, Honeycomb Hall, hidden out here on the outskirts of town. I'm pleased to see how well-kept it looks. Growing up, we all knew to avoid its grounds, where the witch Mama B held sway. Is she still around? I see a number of cars parked in the circular driveway, and what looks like a lot of activity on the grounds. An archway is being erected, with wreaths of flowers everywhere. Is somebody getting married? I remember Anita's wedding cake and grin. Whoever they are, they're in for one delicious wedding cake.
    I turn and head back. Thoughts of my art, of Dean and Drake, and of Marv swirl through my mind. The past. The present. But what about my future? Can I change? Can I confront my fears? Can I become stronger, wiser, more self-aware? Can I rise from the ashes of all my disasters, and recreate myself?
    Like a phoenix, I think, and then stop. Rebirth. The phoenix. Red glass. Flame and fire. Ashes and death. New life. Hope and freedom. Victory in defeat.
    My whole body shivers with