Free Getting Old is the Best Revenge by Rita Lakin Page B

her.
    "Now watch out, Bella; they're down, so don't let them get the deck," Sophie warns her.
    Bella shivers. "I don't know what to play."
    "If you got a jack, play it. Their jacks are already in fifth position," Sophie reminds her.
    Bella sighs. "Thank you."
    "Why don't you just look in all our hands and save yourself the trouble!" Ida yelps.
    Sophie gets huffy. "You two should talk. You cheaters!" She looks from Ida to Evvie.
    "Sore loser," says Evvie indignantly.
    "And you gloat when you win and that makes you a sore winner! " parries Sophie.
    "Girls, girls," I say. Here we go. It's spinning out of control.
    "How do we cheat?" Evvie demands to know, standing up, hands on hips.
    Sophie mimics them with a vengeance. " 'Nu, have you seen Hy lately,' when you want Evvie to throw you a high card, and 'So, how's Lo,' when you want a low one."
    Now, trying to hide my smile, even I can't resist. "Or suddenly you want to discuss Queen Elizabeth."
    "Or King Hussein," adds Sophie.
    Bella braves up enough to hum " Three Blind Mice."
    " 'Tea for tw o . . .' " Sophie also hums maliciously.
    Bella whispers, "Oh, boy, do I need sex! "
    "You have one hell of a lot of nerve!" Evvie shouts.
    Ida gets up and throws her cards against the wall. "That does it! I quit!"
    The doorbell rings.
    Saved by the bell. Everybody freezes, ashamed of their outbursts.
    "Maybe it's time for pie," Sophie suggests as she goes to the door.
    The girls get busy making space, removing the cards and setting out the cups and plates.
    Sophie looks through the peephole. "Who is it?" she trills.
    "Registered letter. I need you to sign," a voice answers.
    Sophie leaps away as if she were shot.
    "What's wrong?" Evvie asks, alarmed.
    "Someone died! I don't want to know about it. Go away," she shouts at the door.
    Sophie starts keening. Bella flops onto the couch, fanning herself.
    We're aware of an envelope and a piece of paper being pushed under the door. "Just sign it and slip it back. OK?" the delivery man calls. Obviously he's dealt with hysterical old ladies before.
    Sophie, Bella, and Ida stare at the envelope as if it were a rattlesnake.
    Evvie, disgusted with the bunch of them, goes and picks it up. She signs the receipt and pushes it back under the door.
    Sophie covers her eyes with both hands. "I never in my life got a registered letter."
    Evvie tries to hand it to her. "Are you going to open it or should I?"
    "You!"
    Evvie takes the letter out of its envelope and reads. "Oh, boy!" She starts jumping up and down. "Oh, boyohboyohboy!" Now she starts to twirl, holding the letter high.
    "What is it already?" Ida hits her on the arm.
    "We won! We won the free trip on the bingo cruise!"
    Now the girls are jumping up and down, singsonging "We won!" as Sophie pulls out of her panic attack.
    "Let me see that!" She grabs the letter out of Evvie's hands.
    There is a long, pregnant silence as the girls grin, now excitedly holding their breath.
    Sophie's hands go to her hips. "Waddaya mean, we ?"
    The grins disappear; grimaces replace them.
    "Waddaya mean, 'waddaya mean, we' ?" asks Bella plaintively as she nibbles nervously on her prune rugallah.
    Evvie grabs the letter and waves it in Sophie's face. "We're all going!"
    Sophie grabs it back. "Fine. Go buy tickets! I've got mine and I'm gonna take my own sweet time to pick a roommate! And it might not be any of you!"
    Ida tries to grab the letter from her, but Sophie isn't going to fall for that again; she holds on tightly. Ida shrieks, "Since when aren't we partners?"
    "Since now!"
    I look at this heavy-breathing, fist-clenching, glaring foursome and I think, This is bad. Very bad.

    17

    Yet Another Stakeout

    W e're once again at Salvatore's Bar and Grill in
    Plantation. A very different mood permeates the old Chevy tonight. No card playing, no eating, no gossiping. Nothing but silence. No one is speaking to anyone since the free cruise raffle brouhaha. The girls are staring straight ahead out the windshield. All day long,