Free Letting go of Grace by Ellie Meade Page B

that I trust and I don’t have to worry about. I roll over and face him. He lies on his side facing me.
    “They are so fucked up and twisted, Kevin.”
    “They?”
    “Aiden and Grant.”
    “I thought you were with Grant?”
    “Well I started out with Aiden and ended up with Grant.” I close my eyes because I know he is judging me and I don’t want to see it.
    “I’m listening Hannah. I’m not going to say a word.”
    I take a deep breath and proceed to fill him in on my last few days in the Grace men tornado. He considers what I have just told him, all the while staying quiet, until now.
    “So if you were staying with Aiden, how did you end up with Grant’s car?”
    “I had to get away from him.”
    “So you went back to Grant?”
    “I didn’t go back to him. I just knew I could count on him.”
    “And did you talk to him about any of this?”
    “Kind of. He tried to explain it to me, but I didn’t want to hear it. I saw them kiss and that was enough.”
    “Was it a tongue, deep throat kiss or a lip only kiss?”
    “A lip only kiss, but what does that matter? A kiss is a kiss Kevin.”
    “No it’s not. I could kiss you on the lips and it wouldn’t mean anything.” I roll my eyes and lie on my back.
    “I got sucked in and spit right out.”
    “You’re better than them, Hannah.”
    “Oh yeah. He bought the building for ten million then gave it to me. How does it get any better?”
    “You deserve better. Someone who isn’t going to hurt you. He doesn’t know you, Hannah.”
    “He actually got to know me better than I thought. He was there for a dream.” I look over at Kevin and he keeps staring at the TV biting his lip.
    “I know about the dreams, and so does Becca.”
    “Exactly, only you guys know about it. I’m a private person, Kevin, and I let him in against my better judgment and look how it ended. I thought I could love him and he could be part of this family.”
    “After that short amount of time, Hannah? You really thought he could do it? Isn’t he a workaholic who is never home?”
    “I thought he would have wanted to change.” I glance over at him and the floodgates burst open. I curl next up to Kevin and cry for a while. He spoons me and I feel safe in his arms. I start to contemplate giving in to him, but stop. It would get me nowhere. I need to be alone. Chase was taken from me, so that can only mean that I am meant to be alone. I will grow old and never love again. I have this pity party in my head as I fall back asleep.
    I go back to the cemetery in my dream. I’m standing there as Chase’s casket is lowered into the ground. It takes all my strength not to breakdown in front of everyone. I watch as people drop white roses onto the ground. I stand still while people pay their respects and leave. I’m the last to walk over and I sit next to the giant gaping hole in the ground that Chase will deteriorate in for all eternity.
    “I miss you.” As I say the words and feel him around me. I wish he was still here. I sit there for a long time and no one stops me or asks me to leave. I think about what our life would have been like and I mourn him and us and what we were supposed to be. We were supposed to grow old together. He was my world and now I have nothing. I cry till the point of sobbing and gasping for air. I can see Kevin leaning against his car waiting for me. Everyone has left and he just waits for me to get up. I don’t want to, but I see the sun is starting to set and it will be pitch-black soon. I take the remaining roses and gently throw them over his casket.
    “I love you, baby.” I can almost hear him say it back, but I know it’s my imagination. I walk over to Kevin and he hugs me.
    I wake up in a cold sweat in his arms. It freaks me out because this was how we were in the dream. He looks at me and knows what it was. I can’t breathe and I fight for air.
    “Hannah, you need to breathe.” I focus on him and still nothing. My body feels like it is