Free Awakening by Gillian Colbert, Elene Sallinger

She drank too much coffee and was way too thin. He wanted her to fill out a bit.
    He couldn’t define what it was about her that both pulled and repelled him simultaneously. She was attractive, there was no doubt about that, but he’d seen plenty of attractive women in his time and hadn’t felt this compulsion. She didn’t even fit his usual “type”. He liked voluptuous women, whereas Claire would be described more as athletic, but you couldn’t convince his dick of that. Evan was beginning to feel like he’d reverted back to being an adolescent. There were nights when he’d pass behind her to get to the store room and catch a whiff of her scent, only to have to wait it out in back until he could get his erection to deflate. Other nights, she’d fall asleep and he’d catch himself standing over her fantasising about waking her up in ways that involved his tongue, hands, and cock.
    Those nights were the worst. He felt like he was betraying Marianne every time he looked at Claire. He knew it was irrational. Marianne was dead. He couldn’t betray her, but it still felt that way. To make matters worse it was getting harder and harder to not fantasise about her in general. She’d walk through the door and his dick would get hard. Once, she hadn’t been watching where she was going and she’d bumped into him so hard she’d almost fallen down. He’d grabbed her to keep her on her feet and she’d looked up at him in startlement, those hazel eyes wide, her lips parted and her breathing ragged so that her breasts heaved. It had taken every shred of willpower he had to fight the very real urge to press her down onto her knees, thrust his cock deep into her throat, and just fuck her mouth until he poured himself inside her.
    Of course, he had only himself to blame. After he’d overheard her confession to Bridget, he’d realised how completely naive she was about BDSM and her own tendencies and had begun to leave out books he thought she should read. He’d even added to his collection in order to ensure she had a full range of stories to read. He refused to engage her directly, but he felt compelled to help her. The last thing he wanted was her getting bad information or remaining ignorant and then falling prey to someone who recognised her submissive needs, but wanted only to use her. This was not a lifestyle to be idealised, and the wrong introduction could scar someone deeply. What this meant for him, though, was that he knew exactly what she was reading and what her reactions to it were, and so did his cock.
    She’d read the spanking story he’d left out and he’d almost come in his pants when he’d seen her just as she’d been that first night, two seconds away from coming right there in the store. So here he was, fighting the temptation to fuck a woman he wanted nothing to do with, while at the same time shaping and guiding her sexual desires. When he put out a selection that she responded to, his errant brain catalogued that fact and then added it to his repertoire of fantasy. As if he needed help in that regard; his fantasy life was alive and well at this stage. It needed no help. His dick was fully awake too, but he’d refused to masturbate after the disaster in the shower. He’d felt so ashamed of himself that masturbating again was not an option. This confluence of circumstances of course meant he was perpetually hard, with no relief in sight.
    Evan’s answer to the problem was to interact with Claire as little as possible. It was out of character for him to be so aloof with a regular customer. He could tell she noticed. There were times when he caught her looking at him and saw the confusion in her face. But he just couldn’t do it. He didn’t trust himself where she was concerned. His temper was too short, his control too ragged. It was better for both of them if he kept his distance.
    Realising he’d been standing there staring, again, Evan proceeded to clear out the back area and leave Claire