Free Never Let Go (Take My Hand) by Nicola Haken

toilet
flushing followed and then I heard the spray of shower water slapping against
the bath.
    When I heard his footsteps retreat to his room a few
minutes later, I quickly took a shower myself – washing, drying and
dressing quickly so I wouldn’t hold up the bathroom in case he needed it again.
The bedroom was empty when I returned, and a then a quick glance in Chris’ room
proved that to be abandoned too.
    With a furrowed brow I made my way downstairs. The
sound of Chris and Dexter chatting flowed into my ears before I’d even reached
the bottom step. I found them in the living room, talking over coffee.
    “There’s one right here for you,” Dexter said, nodding
towards the steaming mug on the table. “Come sit down.” He patted the seat next
to him but my eyes couldn’t seem to focus on his hand, too busy staring at his
naked chest. He was wearing only jogging pants and a delicious smile. I wonder
if my insides will ever stop melting at the sight of him? I hope not.
    “I’m gonna throw on a shirt and take a run before I
shower,” he announced as I sat beside him, brushing my knee against his
intentionally. “I need to get back in the routine.” I could barely remember the
last time Dexter went for a run, yet when I first met him he would go every
morning without fail. An unconscious smile spread across my lips as I
remembered the day he took me running.
I ached for days afterwards and I
can’t see me ever being in a hurry to repeat that experience.
    I nodded in acknowledgement to Dexter and then turned
my attention to Chris.
    “How are you feeling?”
    “Like I’ve been ran over by an HGV,” he said in a
playful tone, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation. I wished he
wouldn’t do that, but nevertheless I was beginning to understand why he did.
    “Have you taken one of the tablets the hospital gave
you?”
    “Yeah. Just now. I’ll have to give them an hour or so
to do their job I suppose.” I nodded in response, praying they would work and
help him feel better. “Look, Emmie, I need to talk to you… about the garage.”
    “You’re going to have to sell up aren’t you? I was
thinking about it myself yesterday.”
    “No, Emmie, I’m not selling. I’m in the process of
signing everything over to you.”
    “ What? Chris… I-I can’t afford to take on a business.”
    “You can. I’ve taken care of everything. I agreed a
deal with Ernie when I bought the place. I paid peanuts, Em. The repayments are
more than manageable for you with the business Dexter will bring to the
garage.”
    “Dexter?”
    “Yeah. I want Dex to take over the running of the
place. I know he can do it and I trust him. If he puts his head down he can ace
the NVQ in just a few months with the knowledge he already has.”
    “Are you saying you knew about the… cancer ,” I couldn’t help saying the word
as if it was dirty, “when you bought the garage? You’ve known for all this time
and you didn’t say anything?”
    “I wanted to know where I stood first. I wanted to
know what I was dealing with before I worried you. Surely you understand that?
You had so much going on, I didn’t want to add to that.”
    “You’re my brother! You can always talk to me no
matter what’s going on.”
    “Well I don’t regret it. It would’ve just meant you
started looking at me like that sooner.”
    “Like what?” How was I looking at him?
    “Like the sight of me is hurting you. It’s the only way you’ve looked at me since you
found out.”
    “That’s… I… well…” I sighed heavily, giving in to his
words. “That’s because it does hurt
me to look at you. Every time I see you I can’t help thinking it’s a day closer
to the end.”
    “I don’t know what to say to that,” Chris replied.
“Because what you’ve just said is the truth. I can only hope that I get to see
you look at me like you used to again, before…” He didn’t finish, and I was
glad because I’m pretty sure I’d have